more print prettiness
i just stumbled upon this etsy shop and was instantly enamored with blanca gomez’s simple lines and color blocking.
partial to prints.
once upon a time i became smitten with the japanese print making device called a ‘gocco‘. i finally purchased one of my own and then after using it once, it sat in my giant art supplies box and is still waiting for the day i’m ready to bust it out again. i was reminded of my forsaken gocco when i saw these lovely prints by Eloise Renouf.
handiworks.
my desire to create stuff with my hands has developed quite an incessant voice in my head lately. it might be because such a majority of the work i do is interfacing with this screen and with oh.so.many words and images that never become tangible hold-in-your-hand objects. or maybe it’s part of the nesting drive and i just want to occupy my senses with color and fabrics and paint and tactile things i can touch and feel. but nevertheless, the voice is there. which is why i think i’ve been so drawn to other people’s handiworks lately.
today i spied takashii wasaki’s beautiful embroidery. my mum also has a knack for all things created by hand and wasaki’s work reminded me of being a kid and watching my mum focused on her task of creating beautiful objects. i would love to carve out space in my day and create an embroidery piece inspired by wasaki’s work to hang above nori’s crib.
letter to our little one // part 8.
dear ‘nori’,
i’m sitting in bed with your papa lying beside me working on his laptop. it seems that you’re aware that i’m typing you a letter as the minute i began you started moving your little body as if to show off your recent developments in strength and agility. in the past few weeks you’ve become really good at digging your feet up in between my rib cage and making it hard for me to breathe. unsurprisingly, it’s not the most comfortable position, but i’ve become so used to your daily womb acrobatics that i wonder if i’ll miss even the discomfort when it’s gone. i know i’ll definitely miss this sense of being so close and intimately connected to you. but when that happens, i’ll just nibble on your toes and be grateful they’re no longer embedded in my esophagus.
your papa likes to tease me and proclaim that he is going to be the ‘cool, fun dad’ while he believes i’m going to take on the role of ‘neurotic bad cop mom’. and though i’m sure that many of our friends and family probably assume that this will be how it all plays out, i beg to differ. during my entire pregnancy i feel like i’ve had a far more relaxed attitude than your papa who literally asks every hour if i’ve a) taken my supplements, b) consumed enough protein, c) drunk enough water, and d) counted your movements. and if he is worried about you at any moment in time (whether we are in public or private) he is prone to lifting up my shirt, getting down on his knees and serenading you until he feels you kick. i’ve literally woken up to find your dad’s hands on my belly counting your movements while i’ve been blissfully sleeping, unaware of his melodramatics. and woe betide me if i get caught taking a sip of a caffeinated beverage! our visits to the supermarket have become even longer as i’ll be casually tossing brie cheese into the basket and your papa is scrutinizing every.single.label to make sure the food i pick is hormone-free/non-GMO/pasteurized/organic/sans sugar… and the list goes on. so i have a feeling that your ‘cool, fun dad’ might also bust out this neurotic/over-protective side once you’re out on the other side of the womb world. which means ‘bad cop mom’ can chill out, throw back lattes and eat giant rounds of brie cheese whenever she damn well pleases.
your beautiful aunt anisa arrived today which is very exciting. you will have amazing aunts and uncles little nori, and i’m excited for you to get to know them and establish your own relationships with them. i am also excited for the day when our siblings have little ones and you will have a whole crew of cousins. you will always be the eldest of the bunch and i’m eager to watch you forge connections with your younger cousins and siblings that flourish and grow over your lifetime. when your dad’s cousin cameron visited lately i really enjoyed observing their bond and it made me wish i was also closer to my cousins. your papa told me about a time when he was very young and cameron had come to visit. when cameron was about to leave he told your papa that he’d hidden money somewhere the house. your dad spent months turning the house inside out searching for the money only to find out years later that his cousin had made the whole thing up. and this sums up what family is for, to drive you crazy – while you love them anyway.
a few weeks ago we saw your little face on the ultrasound. from that day forward, the below picture became your papa’s screensaver on his phone and we ‘look’ at you often. we like to believe you are smiling at us in this photo and our (rather biased) opinion is that you are entirely perfect.
there is one moment that i am eagerly anticipating more than any other moment in.my.entire.life.to.date. and that is when you and i first look into each others eyes. i realize that i probably can’t fathom the feeling, and yet, i also intuitively know that it will expose me to a vulnerability (yours and mine) that i’ve never felt before, and in doing so, change me forever. i promise that i will hold your gaze and imprint that precise moment on every fiber of my being. and if you ever, even for a second, feel lost or bewildered, scared or confused, you just need to look into my eyes to know my unceasing, unwavering love for you.
love,
mama
**
when dev and i first found out that i was pregnant we decided that while i was in the somewhat fragile early stages, we’d keep the news pretty quiet. which was incredibly hard for both of us to do. one day dev suggested i start writing letters to ‘nori’ (devon’s codename for our baby) so that i could at least have some kind of outlet for my hard-to-contain-excitement. here are the rest: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7.
aaaaand i’m back.
1. whenever we ramp up production of our SoulPancake segments the rest of my pastimes (including updating this little piece of web-estate) get neglected. we’ve just wrapped another week of shooting and so i have a little time to resurface, and catch my breath, before our next big shoot in mid-february. as i’m reflecting back over this production i’m so proud of how far we’ve come. how much we’ve learned and how great our team is. i love working with such a passionate, hard-working, and best of all – enthusiastic, crew. and i can’t wait to share our new episodes with you!
2. my need to ‘nest’ has headed into overdrive lately. which is a little problematic as our house is also production central. having to navigate around camera gear, giant props and members of our crew who camped out at our place during the pre-production week wasn’t helping either. i have a constant, desperate desire to clean.ALL.the.things (to quote evbeff). and not just to ‘tidy’ but to scour. scrub. deep clean. i want to dust crevices and disinfect every surface, which is not that easy when your belly keeps you from bending or reaching shelves. clutter has become my nemesis and if i see a ‘pile’ of things they have to be dealt with – immediately. every other day i make the rounds and clean out the small trash bins in our house because i can’t really handle having trash in them. i know this might sound crazy/ocd, but mothers have told me that this is what ‘nesting’ can feel like. so if you come to visit, and i start washing your coffee cup before your done taking your last sips, well, i’m sorry but you can take it up with my hormones.
3. which leads me to the chapter i could write on ALL THE THINGS THAT PREGNANT WOMEN CAN GET AWAY WITH! i’ve learned that being so obviously pregnant gives me all kinds of immunity. for example, last night we were at a house concert held at a gorgeous mansion where even the fruit in the fruit bowl looked architecturally designed. i was hungry and even though there were lovely platters of macaroons and treats, i needed something more substantial like a banana or an apple. so, i had the nerve to raid the gorgeous-meant-for-display-not-consumption-fruit-bowl. in front of all the guests. and no one even blinked an eyelid. and then i sat in the back of the room with dev on a comfortable couch and promptly fell.asleep. and people around us thought it was cute. not rude and weird. but cute! and what about the fact that i wear leggings and uggs daily. like it’s my job to only wear clothes that have zero structure to them. and not even the fashionista’s in silverlake give me reproachful glances. i feel invincible. like i can get away with all sorts of social taboos.
4. i have been receiving some lovely things in the mail lately. ok, so a lot of them are for ‘nori’ bump and not me per say, but a parcel in the mail is still a parcel in the mail, and i get very excited on nori’s behalf. one package that arrived for me the other day was a lovely selection of skin care products from nassim, the creator of nassim naturals. what i love so much about nassim’s products is the fact that she makes them all from scratch out of natural ingredients so they are safe for babies. and they smell SO GOOD. i also love that the diaper cream is called ‘ouchie balm’ and the packaging is adorable too! thank you nassim!
5. my little sister anisa arrived from australia this morning! it is so great having her here and it actually feels like i’m a little bit closer to my other home. even just listening to her aussie accent is heart warming. we are 15 years apart and i found myself looking at her and remembering so clearly when she was just a little, cherub cheeked baby. and then i flash forward to 15 years when ‘nori’ will be learning how to drive and the very thought of how.fast.it.all.goes makes the sinews of my heart dismantle.
6. the hunt for the perfect bed continues. i must have clambered my round self onto at least 75 beds in the past few weeks. and now they are all starting to feel the same. if any of you have recommendations when it comes to mattress brands please let me know. in fact, do me a favor and take my husband by the hand, march him to the nearest mattress store and make the purchase happen. please.
7. we’re excited about our upcoming baby shower(s) and the fact that some of our dearest out-of-towner friends & family will be here to share them with us. i’m also happy that i don’t have to plan one thing for either event as all the details are being taken care of by people we love. here’s the cute invite dev whipped together:
8. is it nap time yet?
oh so stickered.
you know that i’m a sucker for creative & interactive art installations, so it will come as no surprise that i love this. the artist, Yayoi Kusama, calls his installation ‘the obliteration room’ – a home-like setting where everything begins stark white. for two weeks, kids visiting the museum in queensland, australia, were given thousands of colored dot stickers and encouraged to transform the space.
p.s. thank you to bahieh for sending me this link!
letter to our little one // part 7.
dear ‘nori’,
let’s start with the process of naming you. first of all, far too many people keep insisting that we just name you nori. yep, your womb-name (thanks to your papa) has grown on everyone – including our close friends, strangers, and even my mother. just so you know, i am taking this whole naming thing very seriously (unlike your papa who once suggested ‘goji berry gundry’ and ‘roast beef gundry’). i’ve scoured the internet and even explored names in languages such as aboriginal and arabic. i have done so much research that regrettably a portion of my brain is now filled with celebrity’s kid’s names. knowledge that will probably never be useful unless i’m on a game show or need to drum up parenting small talk with angelina jolie. i didn’t have a lot of prerequisites when it came to choosing your name – but after a lifetime of hearing my name pronounced very… ‘creatively’ (goldritz, gloris, growls, gorlis, gold-reeves, etc.) i was determined that your name would be easy to pronounce, you know, as opposed to a name that people felt the need to dislocate their jaw in order to say out loud. unbeknownst to the masses, your father and i *think* we have found the perfect name for you. it was the first name that both of us heard and fell in love with instantly. for now, we are keeping it a secret as we want to meet you first and make sure it fits, before we announce it to the world.
i think you might be getting a little cramped in your womb room these days as you are now about 19 inches long and approximately 3.5 pounds. i can’t seem to buy produce these days without comparing it to your weight and size. melons, grapefruit, bunches of bananas – they all get comparatively measured to you. and the next thing you know i’m walking around the store rocking a pineapple in my arms.
your movements have changed from little kicks and fluttering waving hands to more forceful pushing and stretching. sometimes i wonder if you are trying to find an escape route and you think that if you push your back against my bellybutton hard enough, some secret passageway will open up and you’ll be released from your cramped quarters. actually, this exit strategy doesn’t sound so bad now that i’ve watched far too many live births on YouTube. #sorrybutmamaisstilltraumatized.
you may have noticed your parent’s sleep schedule has changed a bit the past few weeks. late nights and early morning starts mean we are about to start shooting the next round of soulpancake episodes. this also means you’ll be on tv again. although this time around there’s no hiding you under layers or with clever camera angles. i’m not really sure how i’m going to manage producing, art directing and being on-camera in my current situation, but i’ll figure it out, and even if i don’t the world will keep spinning on its axis and it will all.be.fine.
i think that’s one of the biggest lessons i’m learning with regards to this new journey with you. i am trying to let go of rigid expectations and pay less attention to that insistent voice that demands nothing but absolute perfectionism. i’m being kinder with myself and more understanding of my frailties. i’m learning to ask for help and to take care of my needs. i’m carving out time to go to my yoga classes, and to walk around our neighborhood hand-in-hand with your papa as we end our long days together. and i’m doing all this because of a deep desire to protect and shield you from anything heavy and harmful. i know that you are intimately connected to my feelings and during this final stretch in your womb room, i want you only to bask in the love and joy and wonder that i feel when i think about you.
mornings have fast become one of my favorite parts of the day. in those brief moments before the whirlwind of our day begins, it feels like our bed is an island where nothing can touch the three of us. i snuggle down into the blankets and hold you, waiting to feel you wake up and stretch. and you respond in turn, pushing your little body into my hands as i rub your back tenderly. and just when my heart feels like it’s at bursting point, your papa will wake with you as his very first thought. with bleary eyes he will press his lips against your little round form and sing songs to you. and in those fleeting minutes, the whole world seems absolutely perfect. i have everything i have ever wanted and i’m so grateful.
love,
mama
lately.
one of my dearest friends, ladan, came to visit for the week. although we did get to show her around our neighborhood, try out some of our favorite eateries, and go on a pseudo hike at griffith park, we spent most of our time together mattress shopping. you think i’m joking, but alas, i’m not. but you see, this is the difference between friends that just merge seamlessly into your life, and those that you have to entertain with an entire agenda of activities. ladan is definitely one of the former types of friends. she had no expectations of the trip besides hanging out with me and dev, which made her visit seem all too short. and now there is a lonely hole on our shower shelf where her shampoo used to be.
#comebackladan.
in other news, we are about to embark on the third batch of SoulPancake episodes for the Oprah Winfrey Network. pre-production has been particularly tricky this time around as many of our crew and contacts are traveling for the holidays/new year, and lots of businesses we work with have wonky holiday hours. but as always, we’ll figure out a way to pull it off, because we always do. and in the meantime, i’ve been building cardboard models of our set designs while i eat my weight’s worth in kumquats. (one thing california does really well is its citrus trees and i’m not ashamed to ask the locals if i can pillage their trees.)
i’m a bit sore today and i blame my pre-natal yoga class. even though it’s just an hour of really gentle stretching my poor little expanding body got a work out. it’s strange not to have the get-up-and-go that i used to have…and honestly, more than this giant orb-protrusion at my belly, it’s the fact that i can’t do anything speedily that is taking the most getting used to. gone are the days where i would spring out of bed, and scamper around. getting out of bed now comprises of a 4 step process. and step 4 is usually me giving up and collapsing on my side, and dev having to help me out.
i’m also trying to go for a walk once a day. luckily, our neighborhood is perfect for this. dev and i usually head to proof bakery where i’ll get a decaf and pretend it’s a real coffee and then we explore our neighborhood. and i’ll take photos of bits of nothing that are bits of everything to me:
while researching for SoulPancake props I found this gem
this creative idea takes a mere robot head to the next NEXT level:
this article explains what’s going on. except i read it and now i’m confused. here, you try:
Dan Rosenfeld’s “Big Head” costume consists of a front-mounted 24” LCD panel that displays the wearer’s face in real time. Inside the large headpiece [Dan] installed a microphone, another LCD screen, a half silvered mirror, and a video camera – not to mention all of the power-related goodies required to keep it running. While the main LCD displays his face, the internal monitor is fed by an externally mounted camera that shows him everything going on outside the box. This image is reflected off the half silvered mirror, allowing him to gaze directly at the camera, while also seeing what’s going on in front of him.
a smattering of lovely things.
1. i spied this fantastic idea on one of my favorite blogs oh happy day, it’s so clever and sweet.
2. our friend pardis jumped on board the soulpancake train over a year ago as an assistant and she’s currently running the soulpancake tumblr. the art & photography she curates is awesome. she’s doing a fantastic job.
3. this seems like such a good idea.
4. err..this stunt by geronimo had me at ‘balloons’. obviously.
5. my little sister, anisa, is coming to stay with us for over a month! as you can see in photo exhibits (a) and (b) below she used to be so small, and now she’s all grown up.
and yes, i know we need to have a conversation about what the HECK was going on with my hair in the photo below. i don’t understand why my bangs were so wispy considering i had enough hair to stunt my growth with its sheer weight.
6. confetti invitations? heck yes.
7. pretty photo booth backdrop made entirely of colored paper.
8. the below quote by Lesley M.M. Blume from this fantastic article:
“Let’s bring back discussion societies. Polite ones or impolite ones. It doesn’t matter. Let’s take a break from online chatter and move back into real rooms with three-dimensional people. Anonymous Internet postings try to pass for discussion societies but they are absolutely not the same thing. Too often they breed animosity instead of constructive discourse. Talking is good. Real debate is a dying art.”
9. currently enamored with these delicate bowls.
10. i am somewhat of a salt snob. this himalayan pink rock salt currently wins for taste & prettiness.
lomo film fotos.
i just got my first batch of film photos processed care of my lovely new lomo camera (thanks rainn!) and even though i’m a big fan of instragram, i still can’t let go of my attachment to the grainy experimental nature of film.
here are some favorites, not because they are exceptional in composition or color. but because they remind me of the highlights of these past weeks.
breaking bread together.
we love many aspects of our new abode, but one of the best things about it is the ease it affords us to have friends over for dinner. at our last abode our dining table became my desk, so dev and i literally spent an entire year standing up at the kitchen counter whenever we were eating. when we first moved into our new place we found ourselves doing the same thing, eating while standing up, when we realized one day, that HEY THERE! we actually have a table. with chairs. let’s sit. and then eat our food at the speed of light. we’re still working on the eating consciously and slowly thing.
even though dev & i enjoy eating out there is also something so ‘filling’ (beyond the food), that happens when you have friends gathering together to eat in a home. there are no parking hassles, no waiting in line, no distractions, and no bill to split at the end of the night. and i find this so much more conducive to fostering quality conversation and relaxed companionship.
this is also why i’m really excited for spring/summer as we have a backyard and patio that is begging for outside dinner parties. i dream of a large, antique, wooden farmers table with two big benches on either side under a canopy of edison lights, that we all sit at sharing in good food and great company.
also, let’s talk about games for a minute. i don’t know if it’s a general resurgence in the world that more people are appreciating the awesomeness of games, or if this is a phase just affecting our friends and family, but lately, we can’t get enough of them! we are starting to build our little collection and so far we have: settlers of catan, pandemic (a collaborative game where the players all work together to beat the board), flux, dixit, and carcassonne. if you have any other recommendations for excellent games please let me know. our nerd game shelf awaits.
also, if you have never played ‘can you do it better?’ with steve failows then the awesomeness of your life has probably maxed out at 99% capacity.
so here’s to breaking bread with friends! and to boardgames! and to brie cheese!
(sorry, i’m on an alliteration roll)
letter to our little one // part 6
dear ‘nori’,
so it seems that you are now gearing up to audition for the next season of ‘so you think you can dance’. because kid, you move a lot. and not just little kicks and jabs, but full revolutions where you spin around (presumably on your head) and then i feel a flurry of hand movements like you’re conducting an orchestra. if all this is any indication of the energy you will expend when you check out of your womb room, then i need to start sleeping. like all day. every day. for the next 9 weeks. all this to say, you are definitely your papa’s child. (to this day, the majority of photos i have of your dad will just show a blurry human form because ‘stillness’ evades him). so here’s what i’m thinking, since it seems you and your papa are both equipped with boundless energy, i think your dad should be your ‘go-to guy’ for those times when you are feeling all “i’m caged in this here room!” “i need to climb walls!” “i must blaze a trail through the mall!” “i will fling myself at furniture with the full force of my little body”. and i will be the go-to for when you decide to slow your roll, when you want to curl up on the couch with blankets and read books, and lie on the grass and stare at clouds, and calmly piece together puzzles and work on craft projects. deal?
last week we visited the hospital where you will be born. that is, unless you just decide to erupt on the scene in a boardroom during one of the many long meetings we’ve been having these days, or as we’re scouring the aisles at trader joes for treats. the hospital is… well, a hospital, but what i really like about it are the super friendly and encouraging nurses that we met, and the fact that we can have our midwife deliver you, rather than a doctor. this is the ‘middle-of-the-road’ approach that we decided to take with your birth, after much research and consultation and advice and soul-searching. this option feels the most right to us, and learning about the practices of this particular hospital (big proponents of breastfeeding, low c-section rates, the baby is placed straight onto the mother’s chest after birth and the parents are given alone time etc.) were all reassuring factors. we also really like the approach of our midwife. she is experienced, practical, warm, and most importantly she is super empowering. she seems to actually care that our experience of birth is a good one and that we feel like we are in control at all times, which was unfortunately not the impression we were getting from our original doctor. it was pretty surreal as the tour ended and we realized that the next time we leave that hospital it will be with you in our arms. DID I MENTION WE CAN’T WAIT TO MEET YOU?!!
i’m sorry for the shouty all caps but our impatience about you being here, as in we-can-hold-you-here, is reaching new levels of ridiculousness. which reminds me, i should tell you about ‘larry long legs’. a few months ago we bought you this soft toy – a plush blue dog with very long legs and stripey mismatched socks. we call him ‘larry long legs’ for obvious reasons. since the day we bought him home larry keeps watch at your crib. he just sort of hangs there, with his feet dangling over the sides of your crib as he smiles wistfully off into space. occasionally your papa and i will speak in awed tones about how patient he is. “just look at larry long legs!” we’ll exclaim. “he is like the epitome of patience!” he is just waiting here for you peacefully, with his stripey socks and calm blue face. and yes, we know that this is an inanimate object, but it’s still borderline annoying – like larry is some guru setting the perfect example of serenity while we are all caps and exclamation points with our HOW MANY MORE DAYS TILL WE CAN FINALLY MEET OUR BABY?!!
even though your papa still calls you ‘nori bump’, you are definitely more than a bump these days. in fact, you are so round and protruding that you have created your own little orbit. an orbit that pulls in strangers who smile at me warmly in supermarkets and parents who give me knowing nods. small children seem to be very curious about what is going on and stare at my middle region as if it is a balloon that might, at any moment, burst open to spill out glitter and prizes. your little round home means that i now have trouble doing the most ordinary of tasks – like lacing up my boots or walking at my usual ‘let’s hustle’ speed. even my expert dish washing agility is compromised as whatever i’m wearing gets soaked due to the gap between my body and the sink. but regardless, i love the ’roundness’ that is you, and i keep wearing leggings and tight tops and try to embrace the morphing of my body because frankly, i don’t buy into the whole ‘pregnancy should be camouflaged’ school of thought. plus your papa thinks you look very becoming in stripes. :)
in recent weeks we’ve had an influx of dear friends visit us, with more to come in the next month or so. all of these lovely people will be your future fr-aunties and fr-uncles. and i’m sure you will grow to love them as much as we do. many of these friends have supported us through the greatest joys and sorrows that your papa & i have encountered throughout our lives and we regard them as our other brothers and sisters. i hope that you too foster these sorts of quality connections that last a lifetime and beyond. i hope that you are a good friend to many, and that you bring joy, and laughter to the hearts of others. and most of all, i pray that you are always surrounded by those who hold you accountable to your inherent nobility, and recognize your beautiful, bright, light.
love,
mama
**
when dev and i first found out that i was pregnant we decided that while i was in the somewhat fragile early stages, we’d keep the news pretty quiet. which was incredibly hard for both of us to do. one day dev suggested i start writing letters to ‘nori’ (devon’s codename for our baby) so that i could at least have some kind of outlet for my hard-to-contain-excitement. here are the rest: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5.
un.plugged.
we are back from our little sojourn to the red wood forest and here are 10 things i know for sure:
1. northern california landscapes remind so me of new zealand. and since i miss NZ daily, it is so re-fueling to frolic amidst the ancient trees and the rocky coast lines that patches of earth like santa cruz offer.
2. brunch is the best meal of the day. if you find a good brunch spot, and by good i mean one that has things on the menu like ‘organic, 7 grain, molasses bread french toast with real maple syrup’ and coffee that tastes like the columbians kissed the beans before they got here, then you should just clap your hands with sheer joy.
3. friends who let you stay in their ‘cozy cabin’ in the woods are sanity savers. #so grateful
4. there’s nothing better than the smell of a forest at dawn. nothing.
5. books on tape may be nerdy, but they take road-trips to the next, next level. we are currently hooked on ‘the hunger games’. so hooked in fact, that we’d drive to our next location and just sit in the car for another 15 minutes besotted with the story.
6. traveling with dev means that we travel with our pillows, which i used to scoff at, but now i firmly believe that everyone should travel with their own pillow. it’s that little bit of consistency that ensures for perfect nights of sleep even in foreign beds. (we even took our pillows on our trip last year to cambodia/vietnam/thailand). (security personnel at airports seemed to hate us for it). (because i guess pillow fights are a threat that should be taken seriously).
7. being in a place with no cell reception or internet is something dev & i need to do once every couple of months. unless we are forced to unplug, one (or both) of us will always have a gadget at our fingertips and as much as i appreciate technology/internet/connectivity, it’s just SO crucial to spend focused time in the here and now.
8. fireplaces make everything better.
9. driving outside of LA restores your faith in humanity. on so many instances i was left incredulous because someone did something as innocuous as let us into their lane without being angry about it.
10. exploring thrift stores in small towns is one of my favorite pastimes. i mean, where else are we supposed to find this most handsome gold foil cat to treasure?
zander olsen.
we are heading to the redwood forest soon which makes me very excited. i will probably always consider myself a new zealander which means i have a decent sized portion of my heart that is entirely devoted to forests and ferns. i love the feeling of being surrounded by trees that were here before i came along, and will last beyond my time on this earth. and so naturally i was enamored with this amazing photo series of forest landscapes by zander olsen:
in his words:
“‘This is an ongoing series of constructed photographs rooted in the forest. These works, carried out in Surrey, Hampshire and Wales,involve site specific interventions in the landscape, ‘wrapping’ trees with white material to construct a visual relationship between tree, not-tree and the line of horizon according to the camera’s viewpoint.”
and in other news, i want to see this movie.
letter to our little one // part 5
dear ‘nori’,
tomorrow you will be 28 weeks old. which means you will be born in approximately 12 weeks, or 84 days (!). at any moment your impending arrival either stretches out like an e t e r n i t y before us, or feels as if it’s all happening so fast which causes me to panic because we don’t yet have a carseat! and i still have parenting books i need to read! and we need a name other than ‘nori’! so between that pendulum of “we cannot wait to meet you” and “omigoodness are we actually ready for this?!” your papa and i swing. daily. hourly. moment by moment.
sometimes i’ll just be walking past our bedroom and catch a glimpse of your little egg-shaped crib and it will literally take.my.breath.away. i can’t believe that you will be here so soon, and i wonder how on earth we, your already proud parents, will actually function. because i have this feeling that all we will want to do is curl up next to you, admiring every aspect of you, from eyelashes to tiny fingertips, while we try to learn who you are. and you will be so small and so screamy and we will feel helpless one hundred times over as we wonder what we got ourselves into.
last night we went to our first parenting class but because we joined the classes late and are playing catch-up, we were thrown into the 8th class of the 10 week series which (unbeknownst to us) was all about breastfeeding. it was pretty amazing to walk in thinking we were going to start nice and slow and instead be presented with a small pillow in the shape of a breast complete with nipple detail. and let’s just say it was a very informative two and a half hours!
first of all, i had no idea that you would be born with a marble sized stomach. i guess i imagined that after 9 months of being fed via some tube connected to your belly, you’d be all excited for your first real meal, but according to the instructor of the class, you probably won’t be super hungry when you first arrive on the scene. in fact, your only real job on your first day is to poop. and for this reason i now feel this pressure for you to be the champion of pooping on your first day. like there is serious intention on my part to make sure this happens. we also learned about latching, and the benefits of breast milk (it can be kept on the counter for around 4 hours without being refrigerated because of the antibodies it naturally has. who knew?). and then the instructor demonstrated ‘nutritive’ sucking versus ‘pacifying’ sucking, and i’m just going to come out and say that even though i’m well past my teenage years, i had this ridiculous desire to uncontrollably laugh as i watched a grown woman pretend to suckle on a breast. no one else in the class was amused at all, in fact they were all listening intently and being extremely mature, and there i was trying not to make eye contact with your papa because i knew we would lose it. #weareembarrasing #getusedtoit
at least 7 times during the class your papa turned to me wide-eyed and mouthed the words: ‘we are having a baby!’. it was like it was just now sinking in for him, in this room filled with other soon-to-be-parents, with snacks of grapes and trail-mix on the table, and a well-intentioned woman holding a fake baby to a fake boob that we locked eyes and realized yes, this, is happening.
oh and i should mention that because my emotions are all askew i nearly started to cry in the middle of class. why? because i started thinking about of all the mothers out there who don’t have supportive partners with them during this time. i imagined coming to this class alone, having no one to giggle with while the instructor demonstrated breasts shooting out jets of milk and i felt so forlorn for those who have to do all this alone. [sidenote : this also reminds me that i want to thank the amazing people who read my blog and send me words of encouragement and support. all the advice i've received has been offered with such humility and i've really appreciated it all. dev and i have been researching birthing options and having you guys share your experiences with me has meant a lot. so thank you!]
anyway, sweet nori, as you will note in the picture below you are now very prominent and i am getting used to your ‘bump’ belonging to the collective. you are constantly getting admired and rubbed by friends and strangers alike. as soon as someone asks about you your papa pulls out his phone to show off your latest ultrasound photo. the adorable thing is that this photo is a bit like those ‘magic eye’ pictures, where you can’t immediately ‘see’ the image. so often people will respond with an uncertain ‘aha..’ which i know means they have NO idea what they are looking at. and then your papa will point out your little hands, and your feet, and your adorable face. and when the poor person is finally coerced into seeing you it’s pretty exciting because they act like they’ve unlocked some code and are now part of the club “OH WOW there is HIS FACE! and his HANDS! and HE IS SMILING!” and at this point i’m usually trying to keep my shirt down while your papa is trying to lift it up so they can have even closer contact with you.
i’ve been told that the love a parent feels for their child is unlike any other kind of love we can experience on this planet, and i’ve certainly experienced an abundance of love in my life. i love my family and your papa’s amazing family too. i love my incredible friends. and on another level i love landscapes. and melodies. and rainfall. and excellent creme brulee. i love subtle moments when eyes meet in a shared wordless understanding. and i love wide open skies. i love creativity. and imagination. and dusk. and new zealand’s cold rivers. i love laughter and hot steaming showers and luxurious hotel suites. i love giant cuddly dogs, and trees with swings, and artists and adventurers. i especially love people’s stories. and i love my heroes – some of whom, i may not get to meet. but even as you, little nori, flail about in your womb world, i feel this overwhelming sense of love for you that springs from my deepest core and this love is so sweet and so honest, so pure and void of ego, that it colors everything i do, see, feel, and experience. you’ve basically opened up to me a channel of selfless love that is so precious and entirely intoxicating, and for that, my little one, i will always be grateful to you.
love,
mama
**
when dev and i first found out that i was pregnant we decided that while i was in the somewhat fragile early stages, we’d keep the news pretty quiet. which was incredibly hard for both of us to do. one day dev suggested i start writing letters to ‘nori’ (his codename for our baby) so that i could at least have some kind of outlet for my hard-to-contain-excitement. part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4.
light.spy.
i am not a big fan of overhead lighting. in an ideal world every home would just be filled with windows, sky lights and lamps. if you have to use a lightbulb then i’m partial to the old school ones where you can see the filament through the glass. word on the street is that these are going out of production because they are not energy efficient. which makes me want to stock pile a whole bunch of them, because i cannot stand the new energy efficient ultra bright lights. i know that’s not very green of me, but i’d honestly rather sit in the dark.
this art installation takes lighting to a whole new level. the artist, bruce munro, created an entire field of lights and it’s spectacularly beautiful. when i see things like this i’m so inspired for what we could do in future soulpancake episodes. and then reality sets in, and i’m guessing that 5000 bulbs are not cheap. but regardless, it’s pretty awesome.
cozyhunting.
we are currently trying to decide where to go for a babymoon. a babymoon is a trip you take with your partner before you have your first baby. it’s also a nice way of saying ‘this is the last time you two can be wild reckless fools because soon you need to grow up and raise a CHILD’.
if this is a foreign term for you, don’t worry. i had no idea what it meant until a few months ago. the thing is when you enter the world of new-parenthood, there is a whole new lexicon that opens up to you and you are forced to learn things that you previously could not have cared any less about. like the fact that a good stroller has wheels you can pump with air which makes it easier to use in a grassy park. WHO KNEW? and WHO CARES? new parents that’s who.
so first we thought we’d go to one of our favorite cities, new york, where we would walk arm in arm and eat at overpriced hole-in-the-wall eateries in soho and frolic in the fall leaves and watch snow fall through windowpanes while we sip on hot (de-caf) lattes. and then we reconciled the fact that NYC right now is really cold. and we are now feeble californians, who are ill-equipped for freezing climes. i don’t think i have one ‘real’ jacket in my wardrobe and no matter how many pairs of leggings i ‘layer’ over each other, they don’t quite do the job of real pants.
so then we considered warmer climates. like mexico. or french polynesia. or costa rica. but then we heard a true story about a friend who went to costa rica and got infested with a spider that laid eggs under her skin and that was enough to put us off that idea while i’m with child. SPIDERS UNDER HER SKIN PEOPLE! plus any of these trips require at least a week, and we don’t have that much time before we need to get started on the next round of SP episodes.
so now we’re thinking we will stay in the state and just make a long weekender trip to the redwoods up north where we will stay in a cozy log cabin with a fire and eat a lot of sourdough bread and cheese. this idea appeals on many levels but the main advantage is that we will be sans internets. which means we will be FORCED into not working and spending quality time with each other which let’s face it, will be a luxury when baby gundry hits the scene. i’m also really pumped to hug a red wood. it’s been a while and i need to fill my lungs with some clean forrest air.
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in other news, ash passed on this link to a product line that is full of cozy goodness.
i love this blanket modelled off eagle wings and of course i love the baby seal suit.
dance.walk.
if i block out the fact that it took me about 7 hours to get lego people to ‘walk naturally’, this is one of my favorite SoulPancake episodes so far.
coffee snobbery & friend makery.
it was pretty weird/surreal to be checking out dailycandy deals last night only see me and dev buying coffee from our new local favorite – proof bakery. i posted the screenshot on facebook and in response a friend sent me this hilarious video shot at the same coffee shop.
although it’s over-the-top, this video is actually really on-point. there are certain people, especially in our area of LA, who take their coffee drinking/making VERY seriously. and although i too love a good espresso, i’m always a bit bemused by the amount of force and conviction and pure snobbery that people adorn themselves with when talking about, let’s face it, a drink. (albeit an addictive, delicious drink).
when i first told people we were moving to LA i was warned countless times about the superficiality of the city’s inhabitants, and how ‘fake’ everything was, and how no one wants to actually be your friend, they just want to use you for leverage. and although i’m sure this city has its share of all of that, i realized that wherever you go in this world you can be 1. selective in who you give your time/energy to, and 2. you can choose to look for the good and disregard the bad.
i was a bit hurt the other day when someone told me point blank to my face that they would NEVER have kids in LA. and there i am, 6 months along, obviously having a child here in this city. and then i had to step back and think about my own prejudices and assumptions about certain places and i felt sorry for this person. sorry that they haven’t yet found their ‘tribe’, sorry that they couldn’t see all the gifts this city offers, and sorry they were so disappointed with their current home. i think the it all boils down to this fantastic quote i read somewhere that is so simple, but so true: “be the kind of person you would want to meet”. i think that if we all try to be that person, then we will effortlessly come into contact with people who we connect with and who bring us joy – and at that intersection, true friendships are born. regardless of what city or village we’re in.
on doing what you love.
once upon a time a wise woman cornered me (even though we were on the phone) and asked me if i loved what i was doing. and i answered with a bit of hesitance “sure”. and she asked me again. and i defensively said “well, i’m really good at it, and it pays the bills, and i get to travel”. and then she asked again, “but do you love it?”
and by now i was a bit annoyed because at the time i thought it was a decent job. i mean, sure, i wasn’t springing-out-of-bed-to-my-alarm-clock in love with it. but it was a means to an end and it had its benefits.
and then she said something that i don’t think a lot of us get reinforced, “golriz. you deserve to have a job you really love. in fact, you should only be doing work you love. and if you are not doing what you love, then i suggest you go out and do it”.
her statement hung in the air, and i got off the phone, went back to my little cubicle and decided at that moment to make some changes. i didn’t have a game plan or another opportunity beckoning. i just knew that i had to start moving in a direction that utilized the talents that come naturally to me. i basically started the journey towards discovering the work that brings me joy.
i know that a lot of mystery enshrouds what dev and i do for ‘work’ but basically i, along with a micro team, spend most of our waking hours working on the many arms of SoulPancake. it’s the most fulfilling work i’ve ever done and the truth is, i do love it. for the first time in my life, i feel like i’m doing exactly what i was created to do. this doesn’t mean it’s a daily picnic, but it’s all worth it. the long hours, the ‘instability’, the risks…it’s all so damn worth it.
and now, seeing our work come to life in a tangible way through these minisodes on the Oprah network, is exhilarating and simultaneously exhausting because we know how far we still want to go and how much work it’s going to take to get there. it’s hard to watch our episodes and not be super critical and rather to see them as opportunities to learn from our mistakes, but that’s what we are doing. growing and learning and making mistakes and taking risks and getting confirmations that we’re on the right track.
lately.
we’ve been getting settled into our new abode and we are still taken back by how AMAZING it feels to be in this house. what with its gigantic windows and green garden, the lovely neighbors and the sheer amount of space, not to mention not having to deal with a crazy landlord, it’s seriously bliss. i love being here. in fact, we love it so much that even though we’re considering a little escape to an island paradise before baby-nori enters the scene, every conversation ends in “but, it’s so cozy in our house. do we really need to leave?”
below you will spy our dear friend emily price, who not only helped put together this giant shelving unit but did so with devon-i-won’t-read-instructions-but-it-better-turn-out-perfect-gundry. they listened to the new coldplay album on repeat and i hid in another room while dev struggled to reconcile the infinitesimally small scratch in the wood finish, and emily got down on her hands and knees to prove that not even from the baby-eye-angle could the flaw be seen. man, i love my friends.
and then add one ashley ludwin to the mix (who came armed with gourmet s’more fixings) and so naturally we had to re-enact the email our dear evbeff got from anthropologie that was littered with exclamation points about pattern mixing! because it’s the season! didn’t you hear?! where have you been! get your dots and stripes and checkers and faux fur out people! obviously, pattern mixing makes you lose your mind.
and then a bunch of friends came over and filled our pad with their awesome, hilarious energy.
and finally, here we are. the happiest new habitat dwellers with our raging REAL fire.
on what not to youtube.
1. anything involving spiders
2. anything involving wounds, infection, pimples, parasites
3. childbirth
for some reason, i lost all sense and sensibility last night and decided to end my run of watching cute kittens on youtube, by watching a few live births. you know…as you do, at 11pm, when you’ve lost your mind and you’re unchaperoned.
but before we get into that, here is the cutest cat/kitten video ever. if this video doesn’t cause you to audibly ‘aw’, then you need a hug. or several. maybe from this cat.
ok, so live births on youtube. well. let’s just say i now have a greater sense of fear and panic and overall concern about this whole process than i did before. i should have stuck to happily reading ina may’s guide to natural childbirth, but no, i decided to further educate myself. and now i’m rather traumatized. and even though i saw numerous births i still don’t quite understand how this is supposed to happen to me. me, the person who needs to take deep breaths during a DENTAL CLEANING let alone an 8 pound human exiting my body. one of the videos even had a soundtrack of thunder and rain which made the whole thing really ominous and horror movie-esque. why?!
but then i skyped with evbeff and she helped make everything better by showing me videos of cute dogs, and advising me to write a list of all the things i needed to do, including taking birthing classes. so this morning i was in a list writing frenzy. and that made me feel like i had some semblance of control. and then i called birth instructors in our area and all of their classes are SOLD out. little did i know that the bradley birthing method classes are 12 weeks long and since i only have 14 weeks left, i am a little late on the game. and so then i felt overwhelmed again. finally, i found one woman in our area who has been instructing for over 25 years and she was patient and kind and reassuring and told me that somehow she’d fit me into her class – and give me private classes for the ones i’d missed. whew.
now we are on the hunt for the right birthing center / hospital…and dare i say it, we are even considering a home birth with a midwife. i know that when it comes to the birth process people seem to have very firm and resolute ideas about how and where it should happen, and i’m doing my best to filter in all the info and not get guilted out by one camp or another. it’s the same with using pain meds, getting induced and even diapers. when it comes to babies everyone has an opinion and i get the sense that there isn’t really a true right/wrong, it’s basically about trusting your intuition and doing what feels right to you. and right now, what feels right to me is NEVER WATCHING LIVE BIRTHS ON YOUTUBE AGAIN.
and in completely unrelated news, our new habitat needs this couch:
belly > buttons
i have a whole slew of things i want to post about and yet i can’t seem to find the time to sit uninterrupted for a moment and write.
so in the meantime, here’s the latest baby nori-bump shot, taken by the masterful ryan lashcakes.
letter to our little one // part 4.
dear nori,
today you are the ripe old age of 25 weeks.
when i was 25 years old i still had no idea what i wanted to be when i ‘grew up’. i wonder if you will have better luck figuring out that aspect of life out sooner than i did. at any rate, since your papa keeps talking to you about html (coding) and my idea of a being a rebel is eating an entire packet of sweet-tarts on a road trip, you will probably end up a complete nerd. my apologies in advance.
during these past few weeks we’ve been very busy wrapping up final edits on the the SoulPancake episodes, and in the spare moments we’ve been setting up our new habitat. there are still times when i feel like i’m seeing the world through a new lens. suddenly i’m noticing all the corners and sharp edges and worrying about whether your chubby fingers will get too close to the electrical outlets. i am thinking about how the light filters in through the windows in the mornings and whether you will feel cozy enough in your beautiful (oval!) crib.
in other news, your papa has bought his first drill and mastered the art of ambiguous ikea instructions while i keep re-opening your dresser drawers and inspecting the contents, totally in awe of your tiny wardrobe. thanks to your grandparents and our friends, you will most certainly be one of the best-dressed babies in los angeles. you already have an abundance of plaid overalls, a fine tuxedo t-shirt, and moccasins. so basically, you’re ready for any occasion life may bring.
you’ve started getting very wriggly in the afternoon and evenings. it’s like the minute i slow down, you get excited to show off your agility. you spin and flip and dance around, and i have to have conversations with people and act normal while it feels like there is rogue slinky climbing around my insides.
today you gave us the sweetest gift. we had our routine doctor’s appointment and during the ultrasound you turned and faced the ‘camera’. and then YOU SMILED. we stared at the screen spellbound and in that moment all time stood still and our hearts grew to ten times their normal size.
you have your papa’s nose for sure and, just maybe, my inclination to blatantly pose for the camera ;)
love,
mama
bits and pieces.
it’s getting cool in LA. not to be confused with cold. but there’s enough crispness in the air to bust out jackets and scarves and drink steaming mugs of warm apple cider and that makes me oh so happy.
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i’m excited about the soon-to-arrive flurry of visitors. emily.ryan.ladan. i’m looking at you.
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this past weekend was spent in the bay area with some of the best people on the planet. i know i’m biased, but the truth is we have really high caliber friends.
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fireplaces are awesome. #facts
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i am enamored with the coldplay music video for ‘paradise’. the shot of chris martin cycling down the middle of the highway wearing an elephant suit is magic.
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we’ve definitely picked the right new habitat because i can’t WAIT to come home to it after a roadtrip.
*
here’s the latest soulpancake short:
halloween in our new habitat.
halloween isn’t really a big deal in new zealand/australia (or at least it wasn’t when i was there), so i’ve always been kind of bemused by all the hype surrounding the occasion. i mean sure, what’s not to love about candy and dressing up in costume. but i guess i had never quite ‘gotten into the spirit’ of it all. which means that if it had been up to me, kids that were trick or treating at our door would have gotten a handful of raw almonds and a stalk of celery. actually, they would be lucky if i didn’t stand in the doorway and lecture them on the evils of sugar and how it depletes immune systems. how’s that for a trick?
BUT enter ashley ludwin who totally saved our neighborhood rep by coming over early armed with two bags of candy and dressed in an outfit that i can only describe as the prettiest mom from the 1950s (complete with high-waisted poodle skirt). she even had cat ears for me to wear. and it was a good thing because all the families from our little street came over one at a time, introduced themselves to us with the disclaimer that they don’t usually look like this, and you know what? i all of a sudden kind of LOVE halloween.
i don’t know if it was seeing the cute kids in their outfits barely making eye contact as they dived into the candy bag or whether it was watching how their parents had dutifully turned themselves into witches, goblins and superheroes, but there was something really endearing about it all. everyone being out and about, laughing and making new friends. it was yet another confirmation that we totally chose the right place to live.
seeing beauty in the ordinary.
it’s a pretty awesome thing when the things you do ‘just for fun’ align with your ‘work’. this week’s episode of soulpancake is one of those situations. from a young age i feel like i’ve ‘noticed’ things that i feel like most people would overlook. maybe i’m just easily distracted, but i find that when you go a bit slower and really look at your surroundings, there are curiosities everywhere. leaves shaped like hearts, and cracks in the sidewalk the shape of japan, and doors with paint chipping off to reveal the layers of brightly colored paint beneath. i guess a lot of the stuff i’m enamored with isn’t that exciting to most people, but to me, there’s a certain artistry in it all. cloud formations streaking blue skies, the interplay of shadows, and puddles that reflect the trees. i mean, i know this may sound trite, but there really is beauty everywhere, you just have to look for it.
so that was the premis of this week’s episode. pardis and i had a blast foraging for 40 frames from the various thrift stores around LA, and then pardis took on the giant task of painting them all gold. but not just any gold. i had a very specific gold in mind. which reminds me, if anyone is interested in helping me hang 40 empty gold frames on a giant wall in our new house. let me know :)
six awesome things for your friday.
1. a suspended maze made entirely out of packing tape.
3. randy p. martin’s ridiculously awesome photostream
4. this series of portraits by guy coombs.
(side note: dear nori, apologies in advance for dressing you in clothes that match wallpapers, but i’m pretty attached to recreating this shoot once a month until you turn 1. or 100.)
5. remember that time we got evicted from our storage unit? here’s why.
6. i’m a sucker for children in hand made costumes which is why i am smitten with this series.
letter to our little one. part 3.
dear nori,
today my iPhone informed me that you are a whole 23 weeks old. it also informed me that you weigh just over a pound, that you are the size of a small melon, and you now have eyebrows. of course, every milestone of yours feels like a cause for celebration as far as i’m concerned. so i’m all WHOA! EYEBROWS?! AWESOME!
and before we go any further, let me just remind you (and the world) that nori is not your actual name. it started off as our codename for you, and now your papa has become pretty attached to it. and by nature of us not having settled on any other real name, this is what we call you. but rest assured, i’m constantly thinking about actual names.
this week your gramma-cita (dev’s mum) has come to visit to help us settle into our new abode. she came with a big suitcase of things for you, and let’s just say that i think you have enough clothes to last you through to your teens. together we went on my first real baby store shopping adventure and in between feeling overwhelmed by IT ALL, i fell in love with this crib for you. and of course, it happens to be the most expensive crib in all the land, but in my defense, it’s OVAL and expandable, so when you’re a baby we can make it a small egg shape, and as you grow, it grows with you. and see how happy this mother is with her baby in this crib?! i mean, surely it’s worth it! :)
i’m already learning so much about your little personality. for example, every day around 3pm you start kicking pretty energetically and this lasts all afternoon and into the evening. it’s so amazing to ‘feel’ you both on the inside and the outside. and in those moments it’s so REAL that you are inside my basketball sized belly and that one day your little feet will be on the outside. and OMIGOODNESS just wait till you see the socks and shoes they make for babies! i mean, it’s actually not fair how cute they are. there should be laws about this sort of thing to protect poor defenseless first time parents. your auntie ashley has purchased my favorite pair so far – they are brown with little orange ‘claws’ on the toe parts so when you wear them we will call you our little creature, and the whole world will roll their eyes in unison.
where was i? oh yeah, your womb acrobatics. you spin and turn and manoever your little body as you explore your womb world, and yet when your papa eagerly puts his hands on my belly to feel you and talks and sings to you, you suddenly stop and you get very, very, still. it’s like you are soaking up his voice and you don’t want to miss a moment of it, and little nori, it’s pretty much the most heart-melting thing in the world. dev’s head pushed up against you, singing made-up songs and letting you know just how intensely loved you are.
and seeing devon in this new light as your father, is one of the most beautiful aspects of my pregnancy. he will be such a good papa and if you follow his example by loving people indiscriminately, striving for excellence, and spreading happiness wherever you go, then i’ll be the proudest mama around.
i heard once that love is the most powerful nutrient in the world, and the love we feel for you honestly fills us up in a way nothing else can.
love,
mama
