5 moments when i see my mother in me:
1. when i’m intimidated by the four remotes it takes to get the TV to work
2. when i shirk parallel parking
3. when i re-use plastic bags until they disintegrate
4. when i cut fruit up for an after dinner snack
5. when i refuse to buy something because i’m sure i can ‘make it myself’
5 highlights from the stream-of-consciousness i have when one moment my connection to the internet works JUST fine, and then it stops.
1. what’s the point of this machine on my lap?
2. am i expected to use my imagination? be creative? go outside? heaven forbid.
3. what if the internet was broken forever?
4. that thought gives me hives.
5. i need the internet to figure out how to cure hives. my life is over.
5 strange things i do when i have an audience
1. bend my middle toe back to touch my foot
2. break a banana clean in half with my bare hands
3. emulate any fruit or vegetable with my face
4. sing the entire ‘sound of music’ soundtrack
5. make up an original nickname for you within 3 minutes of meeting
5 delicious snippets from emails i’ve received within the past week
1. Don’t worry, the only Tongan that will fit your skinny jeans would be in the 3-6 year old category. Polynesians are not renowned for their slender builds.
2. she always talks about my eyelashes. eyelashes. everything is my eyelashes. yes, he is good looking. but he doesn’t have your eyelashes she says.
3. I was once quite the line-dancing expert.
4. you will one day all come to your senses and realize my depraved sensibilities are just what the world needs more of.
5. This reminds me of how you handle things