THE COZYHUNTER
// she's only happy in the sun.
30
Jan 12
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just a few of my talented friends.

i’ve always been a big fan of my dear friend leili‘s photography, jewelry, and ceramics. i find her latest artistic creations to be so beautiful:

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i am constantly awestruck by quddus’ blog. we’ve been penpals for over a decade and i think his writing is the best kind – raw, vulnerable, honest and unfiltered. somehow, he manages to find words for even the most subtle and fragile emotions and moments. it helps that he is also a smarty pants and has probably read every book worth reading.

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my sweet sister, holley seals, in nashville is working on launching an urban food park where a bunch of food trucks can convene and serve up their treats on a regular basis. i love how family-friendly this idea is and i’m so proud of hol, and excited that her project is gathering momentum!

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one of the happiest, sweetest, people i know in los angeles is pardis sullins. she is part of our soulpancake family and she masterfully curates all the amazing art you will see featured on the soulpancake tumblr. our soulpancake episodes rely heavily on her amazing talent as a prop builder/creator/painter and during our productions we would be lost without her.

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in other news, our little neighborhood (atwater village) was recently listed as one of the six ‘hottest emerging neighborhoods’. we are so happy here and it definitely fills a lot of the needs we had for a community -  friendly, safe, walking distance to trader joes, and amazing coffee and a weekly farmers market! i’m also incredible lucky that dev and i can walk to the new soulpancake office in five minutes. woot woot!

27
Jan 12
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list of things i want to do before nori leaves his womb room.

+ go swimming. feeling semi-weightless sounds amazing right.about.now

+ at least skim read all the books i bought to prepare for pregnancy. and give the hypno-birthing cd another chance.

+ keep up my prenatal yoga classes each week.

+ create a backyard sanctuary. or at least design it, so our friend liam can build it.

+ make those long overdue calls to my beloveds and have undistracted conversations.

+ take long showers. take my time getting out of bed. soak up quiet moments.

+ detach myself from the stresses of our work. release my strong desire for creative control. know that it will all.get.done.

+ indulge in small luxuries. massages. lemon creme brulee’s from proof bakery. a desperately needed hair cut.

+ enjoy the friends and family who will be visiting. create happy memories. take too many photos of our time together.

+ carve out space for prayer. reflection. sheer unbridled joy.

+ go on long walks with dev. hand in hand.

+ find patches of earth with wide open skies.

24
Jan 12
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more print prettiness

i just stumbled upon this etsy shop and was instantly enamored with blanca gomez’s simple lines and color blocking.

24
Jan 12
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partial to prints.

once upon a time i became smitten with the japanese print making device called a ‘gocco‘. i finally purchased one of my own and then after using it once, it sat in my giant art supplies box and is still waiting for the day i’m ready to bust it out again. i was reminded of my forsaken gocco when i saw these lovely prints by Eloise Renouf.

 

23
Jan 12
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handiworks.

my desire to create stuff with my hands has developed quite an incessant voice in my head lately. it might be because such a majority of the work i do is interfacing with this screen and with oh.so.many words and images that never become tangible hold-in-your-hand objects. or maybe it’s part of the nesting drive and i just want to occupy my senses with color and fabrics and paint and tactile things i can touch and feel. but nevertheless, the voice is there. which is why i think i’ve been so drawn to other people’s handiworks lately.

today i spied takashii wasaki’s beautiful embroidery. my mum also has a knack for all things created by hand and wasaki’s work reminded me of being a kid and watching my mum focused on her task of creating beautiful objects. i would love to carve out space in my day and create an embroidery piece inspired by wasaki’s work to hang above nori’s crib.

21
Jan 12
3 comments

letter to our little one // part 8.

dear ‘nori’,

i’m sitting in bed with your papa lying beside me working on his laptop. it seems that you’re aware that i’m typing you a letter as the minute i began you started moving your little body as if to show off your recent developments in strength and agility. in the past few weeks you’ve become really good at digging your feet up in between my rib cage and making it hard for me to breathe. unsurprisingly, it’s not the most comfortable position, but i’ve become so used to your daily womb acrobatics that i wonder if i’ll miss even the discomfort when it’s gone. i know i’ll definitely miss this sense of being so close and intimately connected to you. but when that happens, i’ll just nibble on your toes and be grateful they’re no longer embedded in my esophagus.

your papa likes to tease me and proclaim that he is going to be the ‘cool, fun dad’ while he believes i’m going to take on the role of  ‘neurotic bad cop mom’. and though i’m sure that many of our friends and family probably assume that this will be how it all plays out, i beg to differ. during my entire pregnancy i feel like i’ve had a far more relaxed attitude than your papa who literally asks every hour if i’ve a) taken my supplements, b) consumed enough protein, c) drunk enough water, and d) counted your movements. and if he is worried about you at any moment in time (whether we are in public or private) he is prone to lifting up my shirt, getting down on his knees and serenading you until he feels you kick. i’ve literally woken up to find your dad’s hands on my belly counting your movements while i’ve been blissfully sleeping, unaware of his melodramatics. and woe betide me if i get caught taking a sip of a caffeinated beverage! our visits to the supermarket have become even longer as i’ll be casually tossing brie cheese into the basket and your papa is scrutinizing every.single.label to make sure the food i pick is hormone-free/non-GMO/pasteurized/organic/sans sugar… and the list goes on. so i have a feeling that your ‘cool, fun dad’ might also bust out this neurotic/over-protective side once you’re out on the other side of the womb world. which means ‘bad cop mom’ can chill out, throw back lattes and eat giant rounds of brie cheese whenever she damn well pleases.

your beautiful aunt anisa arrived today which is very exciting. you will have amazing aunts and uncles little nori, and i’m excited for you to get to know them and establish your own relationships with them. i am also excited for the day when our siblings have little ones and you will have a whole crew of cousins. you will always be the eldest of the bunch and i’m eager to watch you forge connections with your younger cousins and siblings that flourish and grow over your lifetime. when your dad’s cousin cameron visited lately i really enjoyed observing their bond and it made me wish i was also closer to my cousins. your papa told me about a time when he was very young and cameron had come to visit. when cameron was about to leave he told your papa that he’d hidden money somewhere the house. your dad spent months turning the house inside out searching for the money only to find out years later that his cousin had made the whole thing up. and this sums up what family is for, to drive you crazy – while you love them anyway.

a few weeks ago we saw your little face on the ultrasound. from that day forward, the below picture became your papa’s screensaver on his phone and we ‘look’ at you often. we like to believe you are smiling at us in this photo and our (rather biased) opinion is that you are entirely perfect.

there is one moment that i am eagerly anticipating more than any other moment in.my.entire.life.to.date. and that is when you and i first look into each others eyes. i realize that i probably can’t fathom the feeling, and yet, i also intuitively know that it will expose me to a vulnerability (yours and mine) that i’ve never felt before, and in doing so, change me forever. i promise that i will hold your gaze and imprint that precise moment on every fiber of my being. and if you ever, even for a second, feel lost or bewildered, scared or confused, you just need to look into my eyes to know my unceasing, unwavering love for you.

love,

mama

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when dev and i first found out that i was pregnant we decided that while i was in the somewhat fragile early stages, we’d keep the news pretty quiet. which was incredibly hard for both of us to do. one day dev suggested i start writing letters to ‘nori’ (devon’s codename for our baby) so that i could at least have some kind of outlet for my hard-to-contain-excitement. here are the rest: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7.

21
Jan 12
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aaaaand i’m back.

1. whenever we ramp up production of our SoulPancake segments the rest of my pastimes (including updating this little piece of web-estate) get neglected. we’ve just wrapped another week of shooting and so i have a little time to resurface, and catch my breath, before our next big shoot in mid-february. as i’m reflecting back over this production i’m so proud of how far we’ve come. how much we’ve learned and how great our team is. i love working with such a passionate, hard-working, and best of all – enthusiastic, crew. and i can’t wait to share our new episodes with you!

2. my need to ‘nest’ has headed into overdrive lately. which is a little problematic as our house is also production central. having to navigate around camera gear, giant props and members of our crew who camped out at our place during the pre-production week wasn’t helping either. i have a constant, desperate desire to clean.ALL.the.things (to quote evbeff). and not just to ‘tidy’ but to scour. scrub. deep clean. i want to dust crevices and disinfect every surface, which is not that easy when your belly keeps you from bending or reaching shelves.  clutter has become my nemesis and if i see a ‘pile’ of things they have to be dealt with – immediately. every other day i make the rounds and clean out the small trash bins in our house because i can’t really handle having trash in them. i know this might sound crazy/ocd, but mothers have told me that this is what ‘nesting’ can feel like. so if you come to visit, and i start washing your coffee cup before your done taking your last sips, well, i’m sorry but you can take it up with my hormones.

3. which leads me to the chapter i could write on ALL THE THINGS THAT PREGNANT WOMEN CAN GET AWAY WITH! i’ve learned that being so obviously pregnant gives me all kinds of immunity. for example, last night we were at a house concert held at a gorgeous mansion where even the fruit in the fruit bowl looked architecturally designed. i was hungry and even though there were lovely platters of macaroons and treats, i needed something more substantial like a banana or an apple. so, i had the nerve to raid the gorgeous-meant-for-display-not-consumption-fruit-bowl. in front of all the guests. and no one even blinked an eyelid. and then i sat in the back of the room with dev on a comfortable couch and promptly fell.asleep. and people around us thought it was cute. not rude and weird. but cute! and what about the fact that i wear leggings and uggs daily. like it’s my job to only wear clothes that have zero structure to them. and not even the fashionista’s in silverlake give me reproachful glances. i feel invincible. like i can get away with all sorts of social taboos.

4. i have been receiving some lovely things in the mail lately. ok, so a lot of them are for ‘nori’ bump and not me per say, but a parcel in the mail is still a parcel in the mail, and i get very excited on nori’s behalf. one package that arrived for me the other day was a lovely selection of skin care products from nassim, the creator of nassim naturals. what i love so much about nassim’s products is the fact that she makes them all from scratch out of natural ingredients so they are safe for babies. and they smell SO GOOD. i also love that the diaper cream is called ‘ouchie balm’ and the packaging is adorable too! thank you nassim!

5. my little sister anisa arrived from australia this morning! it is so great having her here and it actually feels like i’m a little bit closer to my other home. even just listening to her aussie accent is heart warming. we are 15 years apart and i found myself looking at her and remembering so clearly when she was just a little, cherub cheeked baby. and then i flash forward to 15 years when ‘nori’ will be learning how to drive and the very thought of how.fast.it.all.goes makes the sinews of my heart dismantle.

6. the hunt for the perfect bed continues. i must have clambered my round self onto at least 75 beds in the past few weeks. and now they are all starting to feel the same. if any of you have recommendations when it comes to mattress brands please let me know. in fact, do me a favor and take my husband by the hand, march him to the nearest mattress store and make the purchase happen. please.

7. we’re excited about our upcoming baby shower(s) and the fact that some of our dearest out-of-towner friends & family will be here to share them with us. i’m also happy that i don’t have to plan one thing for either event as all the details are being taken care of by people we love. here’s the cute invite dev whipped together:

8. is it nap time yet?

05
Jan 12
6 comments

oh so stickered.

you know that i’m a sucker for creative & interactive art installations, so it will come as no surprise that i love this. the artist, Yayoi Kusama, calls his installation ‘the obliteration room’ – a home-like setting where everything begins stark white. for two weeks, kids visiting the museum in queensland, australia, were given thousands of colored dot stickers and encouraged to transform the space.

p.s. thank you to bahieh for sending me this link!

04
Jan 12
13 comments

letter to our little one // part 7.

dear ‘nori’,

let’s start with the process of naming you. first of all, far too many people keep insisting that we just name you nori. yep, your womb-name (thanks to your papa) has grown on everyone – including our close friends, strangers, and even my mother. just so you know, i am taking this whole naming thing very seriously (unlike your papa who once suggested ‘goji berry gundry’ and ‘roast beef gundry’). i’ve scoured the internet and even explored names in languages such as aboriginal and arabic. i have done so much research that regrettably a portion of my brain is now filled with celebrity’s kid’s names. knowledge that will probably never be useful unless i’m on a game show or need to drum up parenting small talk with angelina jolie. i didn’t have a lot of prerequisites when it came to choosing your name – but after a lifetime of hearing my name pronounced very… ‘creatively’ (goldritz, gloris, growls, gorlis, gold-reeves, etc.) i was determined that your name would be easy to pronounce, you know, as opposed to a name that people felt the need to dislocate their jaw in order to say out loud. unbeknownst to the masses, your father and i *think* we have found the perfect name for you. it was the first name that both of us heard and fell in love with instantly. for now, we are keeping it a secret as we want to meet you first and make sure it fits, before we announce it to the world.

i think you might be getting a little cramped in your womb room these days as you are now about 19 inches long and approximately 3.5 pounds. i can’t seem to buy produce these days without comparing it to your weight and size. melons, grapefruit, bunches of bananas – they all get comparatively measured to you. and the next thing you know i’m walking around the store rocking a pineapple in my arms.

your movements have changed from little kicks and fluttering waving hands to more forceful pushing and stretching. sometimes i wonder if you are trying to find an escape route and you think that if you push your back against my bellybutton hard enough, some secret passageway will open up and you’ll be released from your cramped quarters. actually, this exit strategy doesn’t sound so bad now that i’ve watched far too many live births on YouTube. #sorrybutmamaisstilltraumatized.

you may have noticed your parent’s sleep schedule has changed a bit the past few weeks. late nights and early morning starts mean we are about to start shooting the next round of soulpancake episodes. this also means you’ll be on tv again. although this time around there’s no hiding you under layers or with clever camera angles. i’m not really sure how i’m going to manage producing, art directing and being on-camera in my current situation, but i’ll figure it out, and even if i don’t the world will keep spinning on its axis and it will all.be.fine.

i think that’s one of the biggest lessons i’m learning with regards to this new journey with you. i am trying to let go of rigid expectations and pay less attention to that insistent voice that demands nothing but absolute perfectionism. i’m being kinder with myself and more understanding of my frailties. i’m learning to ask for help and to take care of my needs. i’m carving out time to go to my yoga classes, and to walk around our neighborhood hand-in-hand with your papa as we end our long days together. and i’m doing all this because of a deep desire to protect and shield you from anything heavy and harmful. i know that you are intimately connected to my feelings and during this final stretch in your womb room, i want you only to bask in the love and joy and wonder that i feel when i think about you.

mornings have fast become one of my favorite parts of the day. in those brief moments before the whirlwind of our day begins, it feels like our bed is an island where nothing can touch the three of us. i snuggle down into the blankets and hold you, waiting to feel you wake up and stretch. and you respond in turn, pushing your little body into my hands as i rub your back tenderly. and just when my heart feels like it’s at bursting point, your papa will wake with you as his very first thought. with bleary eyes he will press his lips against your little round form and sing songs to you. and in those fleeting minutes, the whole world seems absolutely perfect. i have everything i have ever wanted and i’m so grateful.

love,
mama

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