THE COZYHUNTER
// she's only happy in the sun.
23
Feb 12
5 comments

letter to our little one // part 10.

my dear nori,

so, you could be born today. or tomorrow. or anywhere within the span of the next two weeks. it really depends on who you want to prove right- intuitive healers with pendulums, your grandmothers, the mayans, or our midwife. right now you seem very content to hang out in your womb-room, while the world around you hustles and prepares everything for your arrival. the floors have been swept spotless. your impossibly tiny clothes have been washed in baby safe detergent and neatly folded. a flower bed has been planted in our backyard by your ‘mamani’ ready to welcome you. i sat through a how-to video on breastfeeding that was shot in 1989 and tried not to get distracted by all the glorious permed hair. your fashionista aunt anisa has even waxed her legs. so when i say everything, i mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. has been prepared for your imminent arrival.

this past sunday you had your first party. your papa made sure you made quite the entrance wearing bright green. he was adamant that you had to be ‘on display’ so 5 minutes before the party i shimmied into a pre-pregnancy dress. and then prayed that you wouldn’t burst asunder from its screaming seams. your protrusion was definitely the guest of honor at the party and you were loved and caressed and hugged by so many of our dearest friends and family members. you also scored some pretty amazing gifts. in fact, you now have so many outfits that i’m worried that you will out-grow them before you can make the rounds of wearing them all.

and let’s just talk about these clothes of yours for a moment. OH.MY! they are so small. so perfect. so soft and delicate and adorable. i want to gather them all up in a big bundle on our bed and roll about in them. i know that sounds crazy. and i know such behavior should be relegated to situations that involve an abundance of $100 bills. but i just can’t help it. the thought of you growing out of these clothes literally makes my heart ache. and suddenly i’m fast-forwarding to the day when instead of fitting 50 of your outfits into the washing machine, i’ll only be able to fit a pair of your jeans, some shirts and a hoodie, because my once-tiny-baby-boy will be a giant. and i’ll be honest, the only thing that is preventing me from weeping all over this keyboard is a vague curiosity of what washing machines might look like by the time we get to that point.

sigh.

our house is so quiet and still right now. it’s just you and i here – a very rare occurrence that i’m luxuriating in. your grandmothers have gone to the store. your papa is at the editing suite working so hard as always. and i’m sitting here on our bed entirely at peace. i’m filled to the brim with you little nori, both literally and figuratively it seems. and these heartbeats of mine that you’ve become accustomed to hearing carry so much gratitude and hope and promise for you. as much as i may want to, however, i cannot offer you any guarantees about this world we are welcoming you to. there will be thursday afternoons just like today when the sun shines amidst a cloudless skies and everything seems to be in perfect harmony, but unfortunately our greater globe is also rife with injustice, turbulence and confusion. i cannot make you assurances that your heart won’t be broken, or that you will never lie awake feeling scared or anxious. i can’t shelter you from every instance of hurt or pain. but i can promise you that i will always be your mama. i will forever be the first person who knew of your existence and loved you from that very instant. i will always be your biggest supporter, your greatest defender, and i will do my very best to create the safest, softest place for you to land whenever you need it.

i cannot wait to meet you my tiny darling.

love,

mama

 

**

when dev and i first found out that i was pregnant we decided that while i was in the somewhat fragile early stages, we’d keep the news pretty quiet. which was incredibly hard for both of us to do. one day dev suggested i start writing letters to ‘nori’ (devon’s codename for our baby) so that i could at least have some kind of outlet for my hard-to-contain-excitement. here are the rest: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9.

22
Feb 12
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flying babies

this series of photos by rachel hulin is pretty charming. don’t be alarmed, photoshop is involved.

 

20
Feb 12
6 comments

nori’s first party.

my friend angela just sent me a few of her lovely photos from our baby shower yesterday. it was such a gorgeous afternoon, and i’m so grateful for the love that nikki, ashley and my mama poured into every detail. as the sun streamed down on our little backyard i felt so happy that ‘nori’ will be entering such a loving circle of friends and family.

14
Feb 12
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talented friends post nombre deux

since today is all about celebrating love, who better to shower with admiration than some more of my oh-so-talented friends. for those that missed it, part 1 of my talented friends post is here.

charity hofert

my beautiful friend charity creates beautiful art (and beautiful children). she recently posted a picture of three little spoons she handcrafted and i was instantly smitten. and not just because i have a thing for spoons. but the fact is, everything would taste better eaten with these spoons.

also, i think i need this plate.

nina mcsweeney

i can’t adequately describe how much love i have for my friend nina. she lives on a beautiful island off the coast of new zealand which is perfect except for the fact that it is so far away from our little abode in america. nina is a singer/songwriter/illustrator/all-around-creative-kindred-spirit. she is brilliant and beautiful, and she can play a mean blues harp. nina is currently putting the finishing touches on her album (!) and i can’t wait to hear it.  she is also one of the best gift-givers on the planet – for example how fantastic is this lionel richie mug that she sent me?

joshua spencer

josh is one of dev’s cousins. when we first met i sat spellbound as he told me stories about the surf gangs of venice beach. i’m a sucker for a good story teller and i am also a big fan of his photography.

jake simkin

oh jake. i don’t even know where to start with this guy. he is a talented photographer/filmmaker and probably a superhero. there was that one time in pakistan when he threw up all over me, but i’ve forgiven him because he is a beautiful example of someone constantly striving to serve. i feel like jake is happiest when he is utilizing his talents to help others, which makes him one of my favorite people. i can’t actually keep up with all the projects he is working, but i know that he’s currently involved in helping to set up schools in afghanistan’s tribal areas.

08
Feb 12
10 comments

heart. attack.

our latest soulpancake episode is up on oprah.com. i think it might be one of my favorites!

for those of you living in exotic places (i.e. not the usa), you could try this link.

07
Feb 12
1 comment

love ever after.

This is my kind of kickstarter project. In the words of the artist:

Love Ever After will share the love stories of couples who have been married for at least 50 years. Inspired by a letter my grandfather wrote to my grandmother during World War II (and rediscovered after he passed away in 2007), I began photographing and interviewing couples in the New York area as a way to preserve their stories and to illuminate our universal experience of love.

06
Feb 12
3 comments

letter to our little one // part 9.

dear nori,

it’s already february, which means that according to my original doctor you are due to arrive at the end of this month. however, according to my midwife, you’re going to be a march baby. so now when people ask your due date, i just shrug and say we don’t really know. which concerns some people. so much so, that they look down at their feet as if they’re anticipating my water to burst right then and there and potentially ruin their shoes.

it’s a fair question though, as i do look ready to pop. my entire belly is one round hard bundle of you. and at every opportunity you push and press your little body against the insides of mine to remind me that your womb home is getting a little tight and perhaps you’d like me to consider adding another wing. but that’s not going to happen, so at this point, we should have a frank conversation. about how small i am, and how potentially ‘big’ you could be, and the physics of it all, and how it would be totally ok for you to hold off on gaining all your cute chunky thigh fat until you are OUT of my body. thankyouverymuch.

our house is still a hive of activity as our productions for the oprah network are still in full swing. most of my days are spent sitting around our kitchen table figuring out locations, and scripts for voice overs, and wondering how on earth we will build an 8 foot set of headphones. i keep planning on going for long walks, or at least sitting in the sunshine for a few minutes each day, but suddenly it’s 7pm and time to eat and i’m exhausted. this all comes down to ‘claiming’ the time i need each day…but setting those boundaries is not something that i’m very good at. especially when those around me are also working at top speeds and there is just so.much.to.do.  but i am trying to reduce my responsibilities to some capacity so that i can be totally present during these last few precious weeks before our lives change forever. and even though i know that i’m already a mother, i realize that this will take on a whole new meaning when you are actually here here.

at our birthing class tonight we sat next to miranda july and her husband, mike mills. i tried not to stare at her, but she is one of my favorite creative muses and i had a hard time concentrating on our class because i was trying to figure out how to tell her that in a graceful (read: non stalkerish) way. meanwhile your papa, who is one of the world’s most friendly and disarming humans, started chatting to mike and next thing i knew they were talking about how we’re both planning our births at the same hospital in LA! no pressure nori, but you might need to become bff’s with miranda’s baby. ok?

we practiced birthing poses and ‘pushing’ breaths in class tonight, and besides my miranda-fascination, i was also distracted by the fact that in a few short weeks, i would no longer be practicing but actually giving BIRTH. to you. and it’s still just so surreal. every other thing in my life that i’ve anticipated has come and gone – first days at school, big trips, starting new jobs, and our wedding, etc. and even though all of those events were significant moments in my life, the anticipation that surrounds your arrival feels unlike any other. it’s a cocktail of exhilleration and excitement and joy and WE REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO EXPECT-ness.

i recently found these two similar posed photos of your papa and i when we were babies, and i’m so curious to find out what you look like and what sort of combination you’ll have of our features.

as your ambiguous due date draws near, our greatest hope is, of course, that you are healthy. we pray that your transition from womb-world to this world is as intervention-free and safe as possible. your papa wants to be the first to hold you and to place you on my chest. and if all goes to plan, we will have those first precious moments as a family to ourselves. we will lie there and greet each other and try to survive our hearts imploding as they expand to ten times their original size. and even though our future together will undoubtedly hold the highest highs, i also know there will be lows. moments when extreme tiredness gives way to tears of frustration, or instances when doing the best i can, is simply not good enough, but please know that i will keep trying. i promise you that i will work hard every day to become a better me, for you. 

love,

mama

01
Feb 12
3 comments

red + yellow make orange.

i am such a sucker for stop motion. and color. and people creating awesome things for children. so this is a win/win/win.

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