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// she's only happy in the sun.
Jul 12
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letters to phoenix // 7

my darling blueberry-eyed boy,

today you are 5 months old. FIVE. how did that happen? i have no idea. one night we went to the hospital where i found out about a whole new pain scale, and then i came home two days later with a baby boy in my arms, and now here we are with a phone so full of photos of you that it’s run out of space. which reminds me, i need to back up just about a bazillion photos of you.

what can i tell you about yourself that future phix might find curious. here’s a list:

1. you have your first tooth coming through. it’s making its shy appearance on the left bottom front of your gums and it’s a sharp little sucker. if i don’t catch your ‘i’m bored’ signs fast enough you will quit nursing and bite me, and when i pull you away you have the nerve to smile coyly. like you’re basically saying “look lady, it’s only fair since you are constantly chomping on my juicy thigh rolls and dimpled elbows.”

2. you love bath time and water in general. you splash about with such ferocity because it’s obviously not a real wet t-shirt contest until everything and everyone is wet.

3. your dad pats drum beats on your little rump to help you sleep. and lo and behold, it works. it’s the quickest way to get you relaxed. i, on the other hand, don’t have his exceptional rhythm skills, so my butt patting just makes you mad, which in turn makes me mad at the indie signer songwriter station on pandora for playing EVEN MORE jack johnson.

4. i believe you could bring about world peace with your smile. it’s just so disarming and giant and joyful. it is an instant reminder that nothing else really matters, that stress and stuff and stress about stuff is just so counterproductive.

and then there are your eyelashes that deserve a blog dedicated just to them:

our days have been extremely hectic little one, especially this week with the launch of our new premium content youtube channel(!) and you’ve been patient as we’ve lured a variety of ‘aunties’ and various hands to help out with you. right now your beloved grandparents are here and you are getting so much attention that i worry that when they leave you’ll be like, wait a second, where did my captive audience go?! i keep thinking that things will slow down and one day we’ll have our weekends back and your papa and i won’t be checking our emails at 3am. but that day hasn’t arrived and so we are doing our best to juggle all the important things and still give you the time and attention you need and deserve.

i am started to feel well-versed in your language. i know what your ‘tired eyes’ look like and the signature cry that means you’re hungry. i can tell when you’re irritated by the humidity and i know you prefer to be pants-less. as our friends and work mates also get to know you and fall in love with your gentle, generous spirit, i feel like the luckiest person because i have gotten the chance to know you first.




Jul 12
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Jul 12

all the things. and none of the things.

my little boy is growing. fast. i know. i should have expected this. after all, every single human who has had progeny finds it imperative to tell me that “they grow sooo fast”. but i still didn’t expect it to be this fast. i didn’t expect to put phix down for a nap, only to pick him up 45 minutes later to find he has outgrown his outfit. he is now so delightfully chubby that i have to clean out lint from the folds of his chunky thighs. you think i don’t have better things to do with my time baby? actually, you’re right. you win.


i’m a sucker for the little thoughtful rituals that people create together. one of ours is that anytime dev goes to the grocery store he brings me back a treat. in over 4 years of grocery-storing, he has not returned home ‘treat-less’ even once. usually it’s a piece of fruit. a perfect unblemished pear. or an exotic goodie like a pomegranate. last night he came home with a little box of baklava. (very dangerous). one thing i do is make our bed, fold his pajamas and place them under his pillow. i know it’s small and relatively insignificant but these little acts of service speak volumes to me. it’s not about the treats or the made bed, it’s about remembering the other person. as our days race by and we get caught up in the hustle of it all, i’m so grateful that we continue to make each other so damn happy.


look HOW LITTLE my smooch was once upon a time!


this is going to be rambling and hard to understand. apologies in advance. i just don’t have enough time to rearrange my words and craft sentences to achieve coherency and succinctness. i have to snatch these fleeting minutes when my hands are free so if there is a moment to write for myself, it looks like this. a tumble of words about how you can have it all. how you can look around and not truly want for anything. and yet in the seed of your stomach there is an aching. a longing for something. and you don’t know whether it is a full night of sleep. or the need to be adventuring on cobblestone streets in cities yet unexplored. or the ability to simply turn on a tap and drink the water because you aren’t afraid of flouride and chlorine. but there it is. this pang of wanting that is rooted in my core and isn’t abated by a walk outside, the perfect cup of coffee, hand holding, or a schedule packed to the brim. and so i sit with it and to use a terribly life-coachy phrase, i ‘honor’ the feeling. but then i also wonder how to excavate it. how to pull it up by the roots and fill the hole left behind with a quiet contentment. but it isn’t something i can always get a hold of, after all i can’t even ‘name’ what it is i want. and so i wonder if i will carry this fracture, this sense of not-quite-ness and almost-there-ness, with me forever.


dev really wanted a grill so that’s what he got for father’s day. cliche much? i teased him for all the research he did on this purchase, only to buy the most expensive grill. and then rolled my eyes when he insisted that he needed to spend even more money to buy cast iron grill racks. for three days the giant grill sat in pieces all over our living room. when dev finally put it all together and we carried it outside, i was already annoyed with the cumbersome grill because i was flash-forwarding to the day we move, and how annoying it would be to move it. but guess what? i am now a grill devotee. since mamani is no longer here to cook meals for us, this grill has saved us from eating cereal straight out of the box. it’s safe to say we’ve grilled out every night the past month. actually, there are days when we grill out for BOTH lunch and dinner. there is something about food that’s been cooked outside over direct flame that makes it so much more delicious. even a simple veggie skewer is now THE BEST VEGGIE SKEWER I’VE EVER HAD.


watching my husband sing to our boy is my gateway drug to having 37 more children.


Jul 12
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humans of new york.

i find that my instagram love has replaced my need to visit facebook much, however on the occasion that i check it out, i’m always excited to see posts from ‘humans of new york’. this is a facebook page that my friend ladan told me about, and it’s brilliant. run by brandon stanton who basically takes photos of interesting people he sees on new york’s streets. err. yah. i probably didn’t need to explain that since the title SAYS IT ALL.

anyway, here are some of my favorite posts of late. and it’s not just the photo portraits i love but the marriage of those with the sarcastic/funny/on point captions:

Kinda sad that I’m 20 years older than this kid, and he looks better walking home from school than I’ve ever looked in my life.

Designer from Barcelona smokes cigar in SoHo, while drawing his own hand smoking a cigar. That’s deep.

He never said a word, so he’ll forever remain–
The Most Mysterious Man In The World.

“My story? Well I’m 90 years old and I ride this thing around everywhere. I don’t see why more people don’t use them. I carry my cane in the basket, I get all my shopping done, I can go everywhere. I’ve never hit anyone and never been hit. Of course, I ride on the sidewalk, which I don’t think I’m supposed to do, but still…”

“Can we do a close-up shot?”
“I don’t know about that. Thirty years ago, maybe.”

he also has a website here.

Jul 12
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belated birthday present.

on my birthday dev told me that my gift was a little bit delayed. i had no idea what that meant, but dev has a solid track record for amazing gifts, so i let it slide. after all i got to sit by a babbling brook with my baby remember?!

so, today my gift arrived. and it was SO worth the wait.

a gorgeous giant print which is a collection of many of my instagram photos of phix (and some from my pregnancy). i absolutely love it. and it’s only right that ‘poop face’ is pretty much the center attraction!

if you too are hooked on instagram, get a print or mini polaroids made for you and your lovely ones here!

ps. you can find me on instagram by searching @cozyhunter.

Jul 12
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my work world.

1. we are launching our soulpancake youtube channel on july 23rd. subscribe to our channel so you don’t miss all the thought-bending, mind-blowing, heart-expanding content. fun times!

2. we’ve been hard at work on our SP show proposal for the oprah winfrey network. we recently submitted three creative briefs and then oprah sent this tweet. and we all got excited. understandably.

3. we are thrilled to be working with some really amazing producers and filmmakers. and have also hired several very talented folks to join our little SP ship. and we also have an eager bunch of interns taking the helm of various projects and doing great work! walking into our office and having it buzz with creativity and momentum is one of the best feelings.

4. our days are long and my inbox is constantly demanding my attention. dev and i rarely get to bed before 1am. which isn’t really sensible considering little phix is up at 6am. there are nights when dev can’t make it home in time to hug his little one goodnight. but it’s still somehow all feels worth it. and i think it’s because soulpancake is so much more to us than just ‘a job’. it’s our first child in many ways. it’s something we helped create. something that we really believe in. it allows us to bust out our creativity and exercise our imaginations and to constantly push ourselves to strive for excellence. none.of.this came easy…but we’ve also had SO much support from others who let the overarching mission be their reward rather than seeking fame or fortune. i’m often asked what i do and i don’t really know how to answer because i wear so many hats and juggle such a diverse range of responsibilities. we all do. but the point is, i get to do what i love. and for that, i’m so grateful.

Jul 12

in summary.

once again, i’m relying on photos and captions to preserve the memories and moments that made up our days of late.

1. family breakfasts with life long friends are the best. emily & elizabeth have known each other and dev since they were all kids growing up in hendersonville (tennessee) together. their parents are all BFFs, and they are basically his sisters. i met them both at thanksgiving in 2008 (when i was trying to infiltrate dev’s family) and have loved them fiercely ever since. i also have not-so-secret plans of luring them to live in LA. they speak to phix in french and russian accents – so understandably he adores them.

2. i think our little boy has learned the power of his smiles and he is SHAMELESSLY busting them out to win over his audience. and it works every.time.

3. i have always dreamed of having an outdoor area to gather together friends to share food and laughter together a la a kinfolk magazine spread. so dev strung up bare edison bulbs in our back patio, we got a bbq, and now my dream is a lovely reality most friday nights.

4. phix attended his first wedding as our dear friend andy grammer married his sweet aijia lise.

5. we took nonsensical photos.

6. phix finally pooped. this might be TMI. in which case, i’m sorry, but my filters are all askew since i birthed a baby. just be glad i’m not including a photo. the reason this gets to be on this list of memorable moments is because it had been 10 days since he’d last pooped. TEN DAYS. that is basically all.the.days. there were no more days left. i don’t know whether it was his aunties speaking to him in dirty french accents, or elizabeth cleaning all.the.things, or all of us singing rhianna in harmony, or a combo of all of the above, but we were all so excited when we realized what had happened that we simultaneously screamed like maniacs, causing poor phix to burst into tears. and now he’ll probably never poop again because our reaction was so intense and terrifying.

7. we went on a family outing to the beach. and we were total caregiver failures with our measly bath towels that didn’t actually fit even one adult body, our lack of sunscreen and snacks, and our disgruntled (teething!) baby. basically, we had none of the things we actually needed, but we DID HAVE headbands for everyone. then sand got into the MECHANISMS of the stroller and a wheel fell off. i don’t know how things got from bad to worse, but elizabeth ended up with baby puke in her hair, emily spilled iced chai all over the coffee shop floor and next thing i knew, we’re eating overpriced wings from hooters in a carpark because we gave up on finding the car.

and although we were a complete train wreck posse, the day was still one of the best.ever because we laughed so much that my sides still hurt today.

Jul 12

‘love songs for the little ones’ track two

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