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// she's only happy in the sun.
Sep 12

letters to phoenix // 9.

dear phoenix,

ok, so i don’t know if it has anything to do with the avocados you keep devouring, but you’ve gone into serious overdrive. i put you down for a nap, and then you wake up, and suddenly your pants only reach your chubby calves, and you have learned a new letter of the alphabet. for a while everything was UP UP UP UP. and then BA BA BA. and today, DA DA DA. are you trying to be the valedictorian of all babies? because you’re right on track.

on a related note – you are officially on the move. over the course of one week you started sitting up unassisted and then moved into a legit crawl. gone are the days of yore when i could lay you on the bed while i got dressed or brushed my teeth. nope, you have no fear of gravity and happily scramble over to edges and ledges. your kiwi-by-proxy ancestors would be so proud of your adventurous (read adrenaline junkie) spirit.

and while you are thrilled with your new found independence and your ‘words’ and your ability to feed yourself, i keep brushing your hair out of your eyes, and feeling a brand new kind of heart ache because my beautiful baby is turning into a boy right.before.my.very.eyes.

but then you lean in to kiss me – with your gummy mouth wide open, and your two little teeth gleaming and sweet lord, you have the sweetest breath. it smells like rainbows and ice cream. and it makes makes everything better.

i’ve mentioned this before, but you notice everything. and now that you are on the prowl, you are eager to explore your world – you carefully run your hand along the shag pile of the rug, and trace the spackled plaster walls – fascinated by all the textures and patterns.

seven months ago today, you left your cozy womb room. i couldn’t promise you a world full of peace and joy and goodness, but i did have power over the home we create around you and the arms that hold you. and since day one you’ve been encircled by the most adoring family and friends that a little boy could dream of.

i know that sometimes i lay you in your crib and i might seem weary and exhausted, and yes, most nights i’m just.so.relieved when you finally fall asleep, but then it’s a new dawn and before i see you, i hear you chattering away. as i approach, you raise your arms up towards me and you look like you’ve won the jackpot, with a smile so big that the corners of your eyes crinkle up in sheer excitement. i feel your love so tangibly and my darling, there is no better feeling in the whole world.

Sep 12
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precious commodities.

my dear friend recently reminded me that time is our most precious resource. we can’t amass it like money or treasures. we have no control over it. we can’t recover moments. it was a wonderful wake up call that reminded me to spend my precious minutes doing the things that matter. and sometimes that means lying on our bed with our boy, enraptured with him, as he says his one word, ‘up’, over and over again.


today my yoga teacher told us that our energy affects the space surrounding us – up to 55 ft. i have no idea if this is based in any scientific fact, but regardless, it left an impact on me. it got me thinking about how we should all be accountable for the energy we carry into the world, and we should be also be careful about the energy we surround ourselves with. i’m becoming more and more discerning everyday, especially now that i have a little phoenix bird to protect.


which brings me to this…i love yoga. i hesitate writing/saying this out loud because it sounds so trite and hippy dippy-ish. but it’s true. i started taking classes 7 years ago and over that time i’ve had countless instructors and downward dogged in all sorts of studios, but each time i’m in a class i remember how much i need this. i am not really into exercise in the traditional sense – going to the gym bores me and you’ll only find me running if i’m being chased. by hungry lions. so, besides walking/hiking – which i can happily do for hours – my ‘thing’ is yoga. and not just because of the workout but i also love the culture of it. i get a kick out of my fellow classmates and their glass jars filled with kombucha. i am charmed by the sanskrit terminology and the way that yoga teachers make you feel like taking a deep breath is decadent.


our little boy is nearly seven months old (!) and in the past week he decided to LEARN.ALL.THE. THINGS. he is sitting up by himself, crawling and pulling himself up.

and he got even cuter. here’s proof:


our soulpancakey world is in overdrive. we are creating, writing, shooting, and losing a lot of sleep over our pilot one hour TV show. over the past few weeks, stress levels have hit an all-time high (as we’re also keeping up with creating original content every single day for YouTube) and so nerves have been raw and we’ve all felt a bit panicked in this new terrain of tv-land. but i’m really proud of our little team. we keep pushing. we consult even when those conversations are hard. and ultimately, whenever there is an issue we come together, we listen to our guts and we figure out solutions. one of the biggest question marks/stressors was selecting a host for the show and this has now been locked in (whew!) and it is truly the very best of all possible outcomes.


i miss writing posts for my blog. there are so few minutes in my day that aren’t earmarked, so when a portal of time opens up i find myself grasping for what i want to say. all the thoughts collide and fight over what is more important to get out onto paper/screen. and then i find that my time is up and i didn’t really get to say any of it as i was just getting warmed up.

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