THE COZYHUNTER
// she's only happy in the sun.
06
Mar 12

letters to phoenix // 1

dear phoenix,

exactly one week ago, your papa gently guided you as you were born into this world. he placed your little warm body onto my chest and every sinew in my body pulsed with a love i’ve never.felt.before. you had finally arrived. this body and soul i had carried for nine months was finally here. vulnerable and small. trusting and gentle. perfect and serene.

the process of your birth was powerful. intimate. intense. i labored with your papa at our home for several hours – lying on our bed face to face, with giant smiles knowing that with every contraction we were getting closer to meeting you. we were a bundle of excitement and nerves, apprehension and impatience. to pass the time, your papa created a playlist of songs we could listen to as i labored and i finished packing our hospital bag, pausing every so often to let each contraction pass. your aunt anisa and grandmother (mamani) helped pack the car and we all arrived at the hospital at 2am. by this time my contractions were only a few minutes apart and it was reassuring to be greeted by our sweet midwife who promptly checked me and confirmed that i was in active labor. we had decided in advance that we wanted to avoid any interventions or pain medication so the hospital staff gave us privacy as we made the labor and delivery room ‘ours’. we switched off all the overhead lights and  softly lit the room with a lamp we’d brought from home. as the music we’d chosen filled the room, your papa and i held each other and moved together through the steadily intensifying contractions. as the pressure and pain increased, i placed my trust in my body, my instincts, and in your devoted, attentive papa.

time stood still towards the end as i had to focus every ounce of energy into your arrival. i remember concentrating on my breath. i remember stillness and hushed voices. i remember visualizing antelope running through spacious landscapes and large birds winging their way through wide-open skies. i remember praying. i remember our wedding song playing in the background. i remember your papa squeezing my hand tightly. and then i remember pushing through every boundary of pressure, pain and intensity that i have ever experienced. and then all the atoms in the room stood to attention, and you were born.

these past seven days with you have been so lovely. you posses a calm and peaceful spirit and you generously let us share you with family and friends who cannot help but be enamored with you. i adore waking to you each dawn and stroking your velvet-soft forehead as you nurse with flushed rosy cheeks. i gaze at your face for hours, examining each expression you make and often finding myself quite lost in you. everything you are experiencing right now is a first. your first sneeze. your first yawn. your first bath. i am already mourning the fact that you are growing and changing daily while i’m also exhilarated by each new development (especially your rapidly developing double chin!). i kiss your button nose a hundred times a day and inhale the sweet scent of your neck like it’s my job. and in a sense, it is.

you’ve saturated our lives with so much joy and happiness my sweet boy. i know i speak for your papa also, when i tell you that we feel honored and humbled and ever so grateful to be your parents.

love,

mama

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8 comments on “letters to phoenix // 1”

  1. Lea Ciceraro Says:

    SO beautiful. That really moved every ounce of emotion in me. Loved it. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you all!!! You are a beautiful family.

  2. Mirielle Says:

    <3

  3. A Says:

    This made me cry, I am so happy for you all. Such a beautiful little life.

  4. Tara Says:

    golriz, this is the most beautiful birth story! i am so happy that phoenix arrived just the way you and dev wanted him to.

  5. Katie Says:

    gol – in tears reading your lovely account of phoenix’s birth. best of all things wished to you and your sweet family.

  6. Elli Says:

    Very very lovely story, once again! I enjoy reading your texts, the way you write makes things seem so real that I almost feel like I’ve actually been there with you.:)

  7. AVIANA Says:

    Golriz! these words…this moment…the feelings…wow..thank you love…wow..

  8. SoulPancake: Golriz Lucina « Art « offTRACT Says:

    […] transitioned into the roll of content writer and art director. Golriz and Devon wed in 2010 and welcomed their first child, Phoenix, in 2012. They are expecting their second child any day […]

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