today i feel: loved. treasured. equal. whole. adored. hopeful. safe. treasured.
but i haven’t always felt this way. i haven’t always believed that i deserved to feel this way. in fact, once upon a time, in a land called ‘my brain fed by hollywood’ i thought i was supposed to feel an elaborate concoction of: anxious, nervous, confused, and exhilarated. and so i forged ahead looking for that elusive blend. one minute up. one minute down. sure footing was so safe, so predictable, so eye-roll inducing and boring. no. i wanted dramatics. fireworks. rickety roller-coasters and unpredictability. that was my idea of love…or at least the idea i’d decided love to be.
i was wrong. so very, very wrong.
i don’t want to just blame the media, or my parents, or judy blume. i don’t blame my first boyfriend, or my last, or magazines or Oprah. in fact, i only blame the lack of honest, open, dialogue that i was exposed to when it came to finding the right partner and creating a healthy marriage.
yes, i realize i’m only a few weeks in, but i now know how a healthy partnership is supposed to feel. it is effortless. it is sweet and kind. generous and inclusive. i now realize that being loved, and loving, should feel safe. to have our hearts held in reliable hands is all we really want. so my dear friends, please look for that. don’t get swept up in the confusion and apprehension and dramatics of it all. find the person who recognizes who you were created to be. search for the person that sees your light as brightly as you see theirs. and will do anything to keep that light glowing brighter and brighter.
sweetest sketch by: thaneda