this is the rooftop oasis that i’d like to move into. ok. thanks.
today my landlord decided to measure the filter needed for our a/c unit.
first of all, calling it an a/c unit is wishful thinking. this contraption looks like it’s one hundred years old. it is the sort of thing that you’d find in a hipster store as decoration because it’s so ironic. i’m sure it would make for a good display for vintage sunglasses or something, what with its wood paneling and giant silver knobs. it definitely doesn’t function efficiently so we rarely use it. one time we turned it on and smoke started coming out of it. so it’s not really top of our priority list but today i guess it hit the top of our landlords list, because there he was. standing at our door. measuring tape in hand.
even though i was on the phone and dev was also on a conference call, i let him in and followed him to our bedroom as he muttered under his breath. his list of complaints for the day included that we have too many guests staying at our place. he informed me that our guests can’t stay longer than one week. the second thing he grumbled about was that we have worn through the hardwood floor varnish in the bedroom and the dining room. i told him the floors have always been in this condition but he’s vehement that we did all this damage. then he motioned towards the sink in the kitchen where some of the tile had fallen off last week and reminded me not to sit on the lip of the sink. he doesn’t seem to care that i’ve NEVER sat on the lip of the sink, that i don’t generally sit on sink ledges, that i TOLD him specifically that the tile fell off in my hand as i was standing there talking to shabs in my kitching. this is all irrelevant. in his head, i sat on the edge of the sink, and the tile fell off and that’s just how it is.
but it was his final complaint that really took the cake today. as he was leaving our apartment he turned to me and said, with the most serious and grave tone you can imagine “you have too many chairs”.
i thought maybe i misheard him.
“you have too many chairs with too many legs. the legs are damaging the floors of the apartment”
it took all my determination not to burst out laughing. i smiled sweetly and slowly closed the door on him.
LOCO i tell you. lo.co.
which is just confirmation that we need a new apartment come september. an apartment i can FILL with chairs. obviously.