// she's only happy in the sun.
Sep 11

joy sharers. and joy squashers.

coffee mug note care of devon.

first of all thank you so much for the sweet comments, notes, emails that you’ve sent dev and I about our announcement. we are so excited and yet still in that phase where we wake up in the morning (whenever we please) (and yes, i know this is a luxury we’re going to soon lose), look at each other and then at the space between us and then one of us will exclaim: OMIGOODNESS there will soon be a baby in this spot. an actual baby. OUR child. and then we gaze at the empty space like the baby is already there, and talk about all the things we will do when he arrives. like chew on his cheeks and nibble on his feet and sing nonsensical songs and never get out of bed ever again.

which reminds me, i have no idea how we are going to get any work done when this child arrives. oh yeah, that’s right, i’m importing my mother from australia.

the whole announcement experience was so much fun as we have been wanting to share this news for so long, and it was super convenient that we had an entire soulpancake camera crew at our disposal to shoot our giddy message. but i need to also mention something a little uncomfortable. because that’s what i’m learning to do in the space. talk about the great but also be honest about the not-so-great.

so here it is: there are certain people in your life, who may even feign friendship with you, that refuse to share in your happiness. and this isn’t actually a new realization…but it was quite clear to me with this experience that unfortunately there are those who cannot bring themselves to express/feel/embrace the happiness of others. i guess sharing in another person’s joy is just not part of their mode-of-operation. in the times when i’ve experienced this sort of ‘reaction’ with someone i feel like i know reasonably well, it always feels like it stems from an undercurrent of fear and rivalry. which is both disconcerting and sad.

and as you too may have experienced there are people who will support you, cheer for you, get excited along with you. and there are those, so mired down by their own issues and self-doubt that they cannot meet you in your joy. and in fact, some of those people will even critizize you for being so happy/expressive…and would prefer that you just ‘dial it down’ a notch.

i do not believe that experiencing another person’s joy will rob you of your own. in fact, i think that if our interactions were less fear / competition based and if we truly worked to see each other as part of one big human family, we’d all be happier. if you find yourself feeling resentment/hurt/fear when faced with other people’s good news, i’d strongly suggest you get to the bottom of it, because that’s a very compromised way to use up your hours on this earth.

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10 comments on “joy sharers. and joy squashers.”

  1. brooklyn Says:

    congratulations, and you also get a big thumbs up from me on this post. i couldn’t agree with you more. not that people are often squashing my joy, but that i do find myself hiding it around people prone to negativity, which is equally disheartening. please know that your happiness is both delightful to read, and refreshingly hopeful. just keep doing what you’re doing and i’ll hope the world joins you.

  2. Nina Says:

    Dearest one,

    Yes, quit it with the joy- and another thing- about all those CHAIRS in your apartment….

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Oh my goodness, I am so excited. I got some serious newborn cuddle time/nannying in this week, and I was like, “damn, I’m good at this!” maybe me and your mum can take shifts ;)

    May I request a baby bump photo for the blog plllleeeasse? xxxxx

  3. Pamela Says:

    When I found out I was pregnant, I had 2 friends living with me in Vancouver. One of them (my better one, clearly) was completely IN the moment with me. Tears, joy, fear, excitement, you name it, she was there to share the moment with me and she believed in me 100%. The other not-so-good friend could not be happy for me. All she could see was that I was no longer her drinking buddy. I was no longer her late night dancing buddy. Her entire future looked ruined now because I was expecting a child. Needless to say we are no longer friends. I have a heart-stopping-beautiful baby girl and I really know who my true friends are.

    Those negative people really make life tough for themselves.

    I am SO excited to follow your journey. You guys are seriously beautiful human beings and you will produce one seriously beautiful offspring.

  4. q Says:

    cause hatians gon’ hate yo.


  5. Nassim Says:

    congratulations to you Devon on the baby! I am so happy for you and was wondering whether I could send you a package of mommy and baby goods :-)as a little thank you for having a blog I enjoy reading on a regular basis

  6. mona.capone Says:

    “i do not believe that experiencing another person’s joy will rob you of your own.”


  7. Tara Says:

    me like this post.

    i’m glad that you fall into the joy sharer category. your kiddo is already learning from two bright examples. :)

  8. Jazamattaz Says:

    We have a lot of quotes at school. One of them is:
    “Don’t blow out my candle to make yours burn more brightly”
    (Side note: When I introduced this to my class, I thought VISUAL. So I brought in a candle, lit it, had it glowing for a bit, then got a kid to blow it out. The mighty force blew the candle right out of its holder and onto some papers that were set alight = bad things happen when you take away someone’s glow/shine). I take the piss out of the quotes sometimes, but I thought this one really related to your musings. So is the bub going to have a middle name? I hope so, otherwise Crazy Aunty Jaz might have to think of one for her.

  9. Thuy-Ai Says:

    Dear Golriz,

    You don’t know me but I’ve been following you and your adventures for a while.
    After a while telling everyone I met that you seemed such an incredible and wonderfully joyful person, I came to discover that you are my friend Mona’s cousin!!! And I do think that you are someone extraordinary! And I often tell my friends that you are the kind of persons I would like to be!
    Well, like a lot of persons these past few days, I have been sooooo happy for you and Devon and your video and letter to your future baby were so touching that they brought tears to my eyes! Congratulations to you both!
    And that’s because I appreciate you so much that I thought I should finally leave a comment to this post about people who may not be able to share your joy.
    I can quite understand what you are feeling towards these people and how sad or angry you can be at them. But even though I am so ready to jump from joy to all the happiness you could share, and I don’t know exactly how the people you are talking about are, I wonder: what if I try to put myself into that person’s shoes? Is it really because of fear/jealousy/competition that they can’t be happy for you? Could it be that this kind of wonderful news just awakens something extremely painful in these people? Could it be that they are in fact suffering from something within themselves? If so, wouldn’t it be real friendship to not blame them for NOT BEING ABLE TO (and not: not wanting to) share your happiness? Maybe they need you to help them instead of taking your friendship back and abandon them?
    Anyway, I’m no psychologist and I’m not trying to find excuses to these people or judging anybody.
    Your post just made me react and I thought I would share these ideas with you. This is only food for your thought! ;) (or pancake if you like)
    Again, thank you for who you are, what you do, the joy you bring through your blog that I love!
    Lots of love to you and your little family!

    Thuy-Ai, from Paris, France.

  10. molly Says:

    go watch the ted talk on vulnerability: link is on twitter & i just followed you, cuz im happy like dat!
    i love your blog, dude.

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