let’s start with the process of naming you. first of all, far too many people keep insisting that we just name you nori. yep, your womb-name (thanks to your papa) has grown on everyone – including our close friends, strangers, and even my mother. just so you know, i am taking this whole naming thing very seriously (unlike your papa who once suggested ‘goji berry gundry’ and ‘roast beef gundry’). i’ve scoured the internet and even explored names in languages such as aboriginal and arabic. i have done so much research that regrettably a portion of my brain is now filled with celebrity’s kid’s names. knowledge that will probably never be useful unless i’m on a game show or need to drum up parenting small talk with angelina jolie. i didn’t have a lot of prerequisites when it came to choosing your name – but after a lifetime of hearing my name pronounced very… ‘creatively’ (goldritz, gloris, growls, gorlis, gold-reeves, etc.) i was determined that your name would be easy to pronounce, you know, as opposed to a name that people felt the need to dislocate their jaw in order to say out loud. unbeknownst to the masses, your father and i *think* we have found the perfect name for you. it was the first name that both of us heard and fell in love with instantly. for now, we are keeping it a secret as we want to meet you first and make sure it fits, before we announce it to the world.
i think you might be getting a little cramped in your womb room these days as you are now about 19 inches long and approximately 3.5 pounds. i can’t seem to buy produce these days without comparing it to your weight and size. melons, grapefruit, bunches of bananas – they all get comparatively measured to you. and the next thing you know i’m walking around the store rocking a pineapple in my arms.
your movements have changed from little kicks and fluttering waving hands to more forceful pushing and stretching. sometimes i wonder if you are trying to find an escape route and you think that if you push your back against my bellybutton hard enough, some secret passageway will open up and you’ll be released from your cramped quarters. actually, this exit strategy doesn’t sound so bad now that i’ve watched far too many live births on YouTube. #sorrybutmamaisstilltraumatized.
you may have noticed your parent’s sleep schedule has changed a bit the past few weeks. late nights and early morning starts mean we are about to start shooting the next round of soulpancake episodes. this also means you’ll be on tv again. although this time around there’s no hiding you under layers or with clever camera angles. i’m not really sure how i’m going to manage producing, art directing and being on-camera in my current situation, but i’ll figure it out, and even if i don’t the world will keep spinning on its axis and it will all.be.fine.
i think that’s one of the biggest lessons i’m learning with regards to this new journey with you. i am trying to let go of rigid expectations and pay less attention to that insistent voice that demands nothing but absolute perfectionism. i’m being kinder with myself and more understanding of my frailties. i’m learning to ask for help and to take care of my needs. i’m carving out time to go to my yoga classes, and to walk around our neighborhood hand-in-hand with your papa as we end our long days together. and i’m doing all this because of a deep desire to protect and shield you from anything heavy and harmful. i know that you are intimately connected to my feelings and during this final stretch in your womb room, i want you only to bask in the love and joy and wonder that i feel when i think about you.
mornings have fast become one of my favorite parts of the day. in those brief moments before the whirlwind of our day begins, it feels like our bed is an island where nothing can touch the three of us. i snuggle down into the blankets and hold you, waiting to feel you wake up and stretch. and you respond in turn, pushing your little body into my hands as i rub your back tenderly. and just when my heart feels like it’s at bursting point, your papa will wake with you as his very first thought. with bleary eyes he will press his lips against your little round form and sing songs to you. and in those fleeting minutes, the whole world seems absolutely perfect. i have everything i have ever wanted and i’m so grateful.