i’m sitting in bed with your papa lying beside me working on his laptop. it seems that you’re aware that i’m typing you a letter as the minute i began you started moving your little body as if to show off your recent developments in strength and agility. in the past few weeks you’ve become really good at digging your feet up in between my rib cage and making it hard for me to breathe. unsurprisingly, it’s not the most comfortable position, but i’ve become so used to your daily womb acrobatics that i wonder if i’ll miss even the discomfort when it’s gone. i know i’ll definitely miss this sense of being so close and intimately connected to you. but when that happens, i’ll just nibble on your toes and be grateful they’re no longer embedded in my esophagus.
your papa likes to tease me and proclaim that he is going to be the ‘cool, fun dad’ while he believes i’m going to take on the role of ‘neurotic bad cop mom’. and though i’m sure that many of our friends and family probably assume that this will be how it all plays out, i beg to differ. during my entire pregnancy i feel like i’ve had a far more relaxed attitude than your papa who literally asks every hour if i’ve a) taken my supplements, b) consumed enough protein, c) drunk enough water, and d) counted your movements. and if he is worried about you at any moment in time (whether we are in public or private) he is prone to lifting up my shirt, getting down on his knees and serenading you until he feels you kick. i’ve literally woken up to find your dad’s hands on my belly counting your movements while i’ve been blissfully sleeping, unaware of his melodramatics. and woe betide me if i get caught taking a sip of a caffeinated beverage! our visits to the supermarket have become even longer as i’ll be casually tossing brie cheese into the basket and your papa is scrutinizing every.single.label to make sure the food i pick is hormone-free/non-GMO/pasteurized/organic/sans sugar… and the list goes on. so i have a feeling that your ‘cool, fun dad’ might also bust out this neurotic/over-protective side once you’re out on the other side of the womb world. which means ‘bad cop mom’ can chill out, throw back lattes and eat giant rounds of brie cheese whenever she damn well pleases.
your beautiful aunt anisa arrived today which is very exciting. you will have amazing aunts and uncles little nori, and i’m excited for you to get to know them and establish your own relationships with them. i am also excited for the day when our siblings have little ones and you will have a whole crew of cousins. you will always be the eldest of the bunch and i’m eager to watch you forge connections with your younger cousins and siblings that flourish and grow over your lifetime. when your dad’s cousin cameron visited lately i really enjoyed observing their bond and it made me wish i was also closer to my cousins. your papa told me about a time when he was very young and cameron had come to visit. when cameron was about to leave he told your papa that he’d hidden money somewhere the house. your dad spent months turning the house inside out searching for the money only to find out years later that his cousin had made the whole thing up. and this sums up what family is for, to drive you crazy – while you love them anyway.
a few weeks ago we saw your little face on the ultrasound. from that day forward, the below picture became your papa’s screensaver on his phone and we ‘look’ at you often. we like to believe you are smiling at us in this photo and our (rather biased) opinion is that you are entirely perfect.
there is one moment that i am eagerly anticipating more than any other moment in.my.entire.life.to.date. and that is when you and i first look into each others eyes. i realize that i probably can’t fathom the feeling, and yet, i also intuitively know that it will expose me to a vulnerability (yours and mine) that i’ve never felt before, and in doing so, change me forever. i promise that i will hold your gaze and imprint that precise moment on every fiber of my being. and if you ever, even for a second, feel lost or bewildered, scared or confused, you just need to look into my eyes to know my unceasing, unwavering love for you.
when dev and i first found out that i was pregnant we decided that while i was in the somewhat fragile early stages, we’d keep the news pretty quiet. which was incredibly hard for both of us to do. one day dev suggested i start writing letters to ‘nori’ (devon’s codename for our baby) so that i could at least have some kind of outlet for my hard-to-contain-excitement. here are the rest: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7.