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// she's only happy in the sun.
Apr 12

letters to phoenix // 3

dear phoenix,

lately both you and i have been wearing some pretty awkward-looking ensembles. it seems that overnight you grew out of all of your newborn outfits, however you are not yet filling out your 0-3 month old threads either. and i’m sort of in the same boat. i’ve shed most of my pregnancy weight but i’m not back to my pre-you body. so we both live in this limbo land between sizes, and while you look adorable no matter what you’re wearing, i look like i need a stern talking to, because leggings are NOT pants, and furthermore, maternity leggings are NOT really leggings meant for non-pregnant people.

and since we’re on the topic of clothes, it was only a matter of time before you rocked a yellow headband. i’m surprised it wasn’t already programmed in your DNA to come out of the womb with one, but here you are with your proud papa styling not one, but TWO different yellow headbands that you received as gifts. #andsoitbegins

you are definitely an active little creature and one of your superhuman skills is your ability to escape out of even the most sophisticated swaddle. i wasn’t really familiar with swaddles/swaddling before you came along, but one of the first pieces of advice you get as a new parent is to wrap your baby up tightly – like a burrito. supposedly this reminds you of how you felt in the womb, and that is supposed to be comforting. the nurses at the hospital were masters in the art of swaddling and dev and i would watch in awe as they wrapped up your tiny body in a matter of seconds, even tucking in the extraneous fabric like you were a neat parcel ready for the mailing. so we followed suit, watched instructional videos and took swaddling seriously. however, what we didn’t anticipate were your incredible de-swaddling skills. to this day, no matter how tightly you’re wrapped, and how architecturally sound the swaddle is, you will figure out a way to escape from it. you insist that your arms be up by your head in a superman pose, and so within minutes, they are back up and waving around. which would be all well and good if they didn’t do such a splendid job at keeping.you.awake. and let me tell you phix, along with eating, and music time with papa, being awake seems to be your most favorite thing in the world.

after a few weeks of your houdini antics, i decided to go to the internet for help. (sidenote: the internet is simultaneously a new parents best friend and worst enemy. there are the wonderful aspects like when i read through a thread where other mama’s discuss an aspect of parenting that i’m being tested with, and i am so relieved to know i am not alone. and then there are the terrible aspects, when i look up some innocuous information, like whether babies can drink water, and next thing you know i’ve headed down a dark spiral of scary that almost always ends in “your baby might die”. i forgive the internet for its pitfalls however due to the legion of addictive apps on my iPhone (currently topping the charts is ‘draw something’) which help me stay awake while feeding you at 1 in the morning. and 3. and 5. and did i mention that you really like being awake?)

where was i? oh yes, the perils and pros of the interwebs informed me about a swaddle that uses velcro as a fastener. a few moments later i had ordered one and was excitedly anticipating the night that i would place you inside this cozy (let’s be honest here) straightjacket, and have you unable to wrangle your body out of it. but the internet was WRONG. you quickly figured out just the right technique of shuffling and wriggling and within minutes, you have unleashed your arms which you then wave about as if to say “take that stupid swaddle. i see your velcro. and i raise you two arms. and a WIDE AWAKE BABY!”

the other night your papa and i decided to go on a date to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary. it was the first time i’ve left you for a substantial period of time, but we armed your mamani with a bottle of breast-milk and while you slept we slipped out of the house. my initial emotion was exhilaration. i was free! it was just like the old days! but as soon as we started pulling out of our driveway i turned to your father and said quietly “i miss phoenix” and he gently applied the breaks and replied “yeah…me too”. we decided to forge ahead with our date but we spent the entire time talking about you. how adorable you are. how much you’ve grown. how excited we are for our future as a family. we stared at your pictures on our phones. we looked anxiously at the clock and wondered if you’d woken up. and when we finally couldn’t take it anymore we raced back to you. and when we saw you it felt like every special occasion all rolled into one. we snuggled with you on our bed and traced the outlines of your face and decided that being with you > everything else.

yesterday i went into our room just as you were waking from your nap. when your eyes found mine you looked up at me excitedly as if you’d been waiting for me your entire life. i want you to know that every time i see you i feel exactly the same way.


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9 comments on “letters to phoenix // 3”

  1. Tracy Johnson Says:

    Love your blog…. its awesome that you are sharing your experience with all your family and friends.. with you in LA… I enjoy seeing you all.. Phix is so so so awesome I am so happy for you both parenting is the best gift you can give yourselves. I look forward to seeing the continued photo diary of your beautiful family.. love ya Aunt Tracy xo

  2. Tara Says:

    gaaaaaawwww the last three sentences made me cry!

  3. Nina Says:

    oooh that was a good one.
    Very touching.
    Can’t wait to meet Phix!
    (PS: I’m feeling for you with the sleeplessness. Must be those Gundry genes. sigh!)

  4. Laura Says:

    Lovely. Thanks so much for sharing. I <3 the Gundry's!

  5. Talia Says:

    In your spare time, I feel some children’s programming or children’s music album in your, Dev’s, and Phoenix’s not too distant future that is equally sweet or sweeter than this album: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000GKZN9M by Elizabeth Mitchell.

  6. Cara Says:

    You make me smile. You put so eloquently into words the experience of being a mom. It brought it all back for me. Thanks for the reminder of the sweetness of those early days!

  7. mallory Says:

    that picture of you and phoenix is so beautiful. if you haven’t already, you need to frame that superb shot & get it on a wall. or table. or.. you know what i mean.

  8. Laura Says:

    My boys were also amazingly strong and could escape any swaddle! Until I stumbled across the miracle blanket. Go buy one now!!! You won’t be sorry :)


  9. Cait Says:

    This link just popped up in my Pinterest today and it made me think of this post; I hope it’s not too intrusive as a general reader of this blog. Hope that it helps.


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