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// she's only happy in the sun.
Sep 12

letters to phoenix // 9.

dear phoenix,

ok, so i don’t know if it has anything to do with the avocados you keep devouring, but you’ve gone into serious overdrive. i put you down for a nap, and then you wake up, and suddenly your pants only reach your chubby calves, and you have learned a new letter of the alphabet. for a while everything was UP UP UP UP. and then BA BA BA. and today, DA DA DA. are you trying to be the valedictorian of all babies? because you’re right on track.

on a related note – you are officially on the move. over the course of one week you started sitting up unassisted and then moved into a legit crawl. gone are the days of yore when i could lay you on the bed while i got dressed or brushed my teeth. nope, you have no fear of gravity and happily scramble over to edges and ledges. your kiwi-by-proxy ancestors would be so proud of your adventurous (read adrenaline junkie) spirit.

and while you are thrilled with your new found independence and your ‘words’ and your ability to feed yourself, i keep brushing your hair out of your eyes, and feeling a brand new kind of heart ache because my beautiful baby is turning into a boy right.before.my.very.eyes.

but then you lean in to kiss me – with your gummy mouth wide open, and your two little teeth gleaming and sweet lord, you have the sweetest breath. it smells like rainbows and ice cream. and it makes makes everything better.

i’ve mentioned this before, but you notice everything. and now that you are on the prowl, you are eager to explore your world – you carefully run your hand along the shag pile of the rug, and trace the spackled plaster walls – fascinated by all the textures and patterns.

seven months ago today, you left your cozy womb room. i couldn’t promise you a world full of peace and joy and goodness, but i did have power over the home we create around you and the arms that hold you. and since day one you’ve been encircled by the most adoring family and friends that a little boy could dream of.

i know that sometimes i lay you in your crib and i might seem weary and exhausted, and yes, most nights i’m just.so.relieved when you finally fall asleep, but then it’s a new dawn and before i see you, i hear you chattering away. as i approach, you raise your arms up towards me and you look like you’ve won the jackpot, with a smile so big that the corners of your eyes crinkle up in sheer excitement. i feel your love so tangibly¬†and¬†my darling, there is no better feeling in the whole world.

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2 comments on “letters to phoenix // 9.”

  1. Tamsin Says:

    It’s so true. That smile like they’ve just won the jackpot. Pure, unadulterated love and joy…

    Tino pai e hoa! A delight to read as always.

  2. anna Says:

    .such love + sweetness.

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