// she's only happy in the sun.
Apr 12

ready. steady.

it’s not safe (because it can blind other drivers) but i still think this is an awesome helmet:

(thanks courtney craig for knowing me oh so well).

this toothpick holder is super kitschy but also kind of fantastic.


i feel like there is an invisible string tied directly between phix’s bottom lip and my heart, so when his lip quivers in sadness all i want to do is find a way to make it better. the responsibility of ‘making it all better’ weighs on me. sometimes it feels like a warm coat on a cold day. heavy and reassuring and ever-present. and other times i’m suffocated by the sheer bulk of it. i want to cast it aside and revel in a summer haze where i am only responsible for myself. like every other aspect of parenthood i am caught between wanting and un-wanting. i know that’s not a real word, but i don’t always have the real words these days.

i find myself thinking that i can’t wait until he’s older. and then the next moment i’m folding up his newborn outfits with tears in my eyes because he is growing far too quickly. even when he’s sleeping i’m divided. i’m so glad he’s finally asleep. i have my arms free. i can catch up on work. i can make our bed. but then i stare at his serene little face and i miss him so desperately that i want him to wake up just so i can hug him.



whoever thinks babies are boring has not met our phoenix hugh. he is passionate. attentive. wide-eyed and observant. he relishes warm water trickling on his back and he likes his feet to be held while he naps. when he graces you with his smile it feels like double-rainbows just exploded all over the room. his cries are loud. he knows what he wants. while his papa plays the guitar he listens and watches him with an intense gaze of concentration – dev’s captive audience of one. he mimics mamani’s facial expressions and his fussiness is appeased when she takes him outside to ‘see the birds’. he eats every meal as if it is his last. voraciously gulping faster than his little body can take it in and when he’s done and his head is too heavy for him to hold up, we laugh at his milk-drunk stupor.


we hosted an open house for the launch of our official soulpancake office last weekend. we served up custom made pancakes on the skillet and invited a lot of folks who are friends of SP. rainn gave a little welcome speech and a bunch of thank yous to people who have been a huge help in getting SP to where it is today.

it was a really fantastic event and we are all so excited to finally have a place to work out of that isn’t a car/coffeeshop/our bed. you can see some photos from the brunch here. as you’ll see we have most of the furniture installed and we are now putting the finishing touches on the decor and personalizing the space a bit more. i think it’s pretty awesome that all the art elements you see in the photos we created ourselves. i really love this piece that one of our web designers and dev built out of hot pink and white string at 4am the night before the event:

we also gave out copies of soulpancake’s 2012 reel and my mum sewed ‘cases’ for the dvds out of an old dictionary i had:

i’m now getting to the juncture where i need to figure out how i plan to divide my time between mamahood and my role with soulpancake. it has come as somewhat of a surprise to me that i really miss my work. in my absence, dev and shabs have forged on with all the demands of our rapidly-growing company, and although it has been wonderful having this time to focus on phix, there are some pretty insane opportunities on the horizon for soulpancake and i can’t imagine not being involved in them. i read most of the work emails that flurry into my inbox and try to sit in on conference calls, but it’s not quite the same. i guess it boils down to the fact that i want one foot in each world, and i’m not sure if that’s realistic.


future album art?


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4 comments on “ready. steady.”

  1. gingermandy Says:

    he looks like the snuggliest little ball of cute ever. so precious.

    i love that idea for CD covers, i’ve been trying to think of ideas for what to do with pages of some old books i have. i love the type and worn colors.

  2. Cheryl Says:

    Hey Golriz,
    Great post – I love your honesty about wee Phoenix. I know exactly what you mean about wanting that ‘free’ time to yourself get missing the wee one. My Daisy-Ann is nearly 5 months, and my life before her involved being on the laptop a lot.. Now I barely get a chance to sit and listen to the music I want to, check out the sites I want to, or hold that conversation with friends that I’d like to. Our whole orientation as a mother is directed to that wee one who relies on us so much. My husband tends to do the nappy changes, and as soon as I hear that rumble down below, I can’t help but feel happy that it means I can just take a couple of minutes to just.. *breath*.. And yet, I desire so much that she wakes soon so I can catch her smiles and watching her spitting (its that 4/5 month phase teething phase). Please know there’s loads of other mums in the same boat when you maybe feel alone! I’ve actually found it helpful reading other mum’s blogs so that I can relax a bit more and fully accept that they change so quickly, week by week. The phase she was in last month is now completely different, and each little transition will give you little opportunities for ‘me’ time!

    God bless, Cx

  3. anna Says:

    this is a great post because it truly is hard to have one foot in each world….but *you* have to be happy first. before anyone. to be a good momma, you must keep doing what inspires you outside of momma-hood. for some people that’s their job. for some people it’s a hobby they do on the side. but if you can find your personal inspiration and balance it with the inspiration of being a momma, life will be bliss and everyone will be happy.

  4. Nina Says:

    You need a nanny! (cough, cough- me)
    I love all of these posts, so awesomely honest. Can’t believe you have new offices! INSANE. Such a grown-up ;) xx

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