so i’m back from the lovely sojourn to toronto. my friends marabeth & ken were married in a beautiful historic school house and the day couldn’t have been prettier. we spent the wedding morning adding the last minute touches to the venue and i ‘drew’ the couples initials using an antique abacus. this was a trickier task than i’d initially bargained for and moments after i took this photo an adorable and *highly* energetic child came along and scrambled it all up. there goes 20 minutes i’ll never have back.
the wedding was lovely. the room was filled with joy, sincerity and sweetness. the adoration between the couple was so tangible and infectious that even in the cheesiest of moments (i.e. when ken busted out ALL THE WORDS to moulin rouge’s ‘come what may’ in an attempt to engage his new bride into a duet on the dance floor) we all gazed on with tear-drenched lashes and collective sighs of ‘aw’.
one of the highlights was also the choreographed dance to ‘step by step’ that a few of us showcased at the end of the night. NKOTB for life.
so, i’m back in our cozy cabin in the woods. dev’s little brother, collin, was staying with us for a few days. all you need to know about collin is that he can do a standing backflip and if you’re not impressed by that, then i’d like to know what your fancy party tricks are.
like the pseudo californians we are, we played frisbee on the beach yesterday and i lunged and jumped in efforts to pretend like i have a sporty bone in my body. so today, my non sporty boned body is heckling me: oh really? like to pretend huh? well pretend THIS. and i can’t walk properly.
in other news, i won’t actually send this letter, but i needed someplace to vent my grievances with bureaucracy / the man / america. whatever you want to call it.
dear US immigration office,
a few months ago i requested that i get my name changed on my green card. not just on a whim, but because i done got ma-self hitched (as they say in the south). yes, that union where two units become one family. i decided to keep ‘lucina’ as my professional/pen name, but legally i’ll be Golriz Gundry thank you very much. and yes, i’ve been told that this name sounds like a super hero or sci-fi movie character, but it was no big deal.
at least, until you decided you didn’t believe me.
and the thing is i’ve paid you the (ridiculous) $300 fee for a replacement card. and even trekked off to your beige office building adorned with star spangled banners in somewhere-ville, tennessee, to get fingerprinted and my photo taken, and my retina scanned and 2 hours of my life robbed while i waited for all these procedures JUST to prove to you i am who i say i am. and that i am in fact married. and i do, in fact want to change my name.
remember that marriage license that i gave you, and that your staff EXAMINED closely and photocopied for their records? yep, that one. well that was all you told me i needed and so i went on my merry way expecting my new card in the mail in 3-5 months. (not a typo. this is how long you informed me it takes for you to print a piece of plastic). but no worries. i can be patient. i mean the card is pretty complex what with its numerous holograms etc.
what i can’t be is very understanding of why a few months later i get a letter from you in effect stating: ‘we’re not changing your name on your card because there is insufficient proof.’
um. excuse me? there isn’t enough proof that i’m married and want to change my name? what else can i do to prove it to you? shall i send you a link to my wedding video? perhaps you would like a bound album of all our wedding guests in our makeshift wedding photobooth? no? how about an itemized list of all terms of endearment my husband uses to refer me throughout the day:
i could go on.
so i call you, wait on hold for 45 minutes and finally reach a bored-out-of-her-mind-human who tells me to read the form and send in the material i’m being asked for. and let’s pause for a minute and reflect on the document you are asking for: my BIRTH certificate. somehow you have decided THIS piece of paper will prove to you that: a) i’m married and b) i want to change my name.
you see the problem is, last time i checked, i wasn’t married to devon gundry at birth, so my birth certificate doesn’t really prove my new name. or indicate that i’m now married. i hate to sound like a bossy knowitall, but your logic is flawed.
i’m going to jump through the ridiculous hoops you’ve set up, but for the record, i’m not feeling warm and fuzzy about it.
and you know what the kicker is? that you addressed this official we-reject-your-new-name letter to: golriz gundry. which i might send back to you after i decorate the envelope to indicate that while you don’t believe i’ve changed my name, someone in your mail room is fine with it.
AND FINALLY…because who wants to end a blog post with a passive aggressive rant:
let’s all agree that there is nothing better than being spooned by the one you love.