image spied here.
so lately i’ve been thinking a lot about this idea of ‘enough-ness’ and more particularly the anxiety we all have, at some point or another, about not being enough. not being good enough. smart enough. happy enough. talented enough. successful enough. aussie-music-festival-attending-all-summer-long-thus-tan enough.
simply: not _____ enough.
and i’ve also been thinking about how much being online often just reinforces this sense of not-enough-ness.
yes, you might be accomplishing your dreams, or creating authentic relationships, or achieving your goals, but within minutes of internet foraging you’ll find someone who is not only doing all of it seemingly better than you, but with more grace and more joie de vivre. and they might even be a whole lot younger than you. i totally understood when Q told me he was planning on learning a new mozart sonata until he watched a 6 year old from korea play it perfectly on youtube. it’s that kind of thing which can be a little (or a lot) joy-squashing.
it happens with stuff/technology/trends too. a few weeks after you have the latest shiny gadget, a new version comes out. and suddenly yours is passé. not old enough to be ironic and vintage. just outdated. or you jump on the blogging bandwagon only to find out that the cool kids only tumblr. or you’re enamored with chevron print but then a 15 year old on said tumblr informs the world that chevron is “OMG soooo winter 2011. spring is dots.” and you think about how you totally missed that memo.
[sidenote 1: just to clarify, i do think there is merit in striving to be better and working towards excellence. but there’s a definite difference between being inspired and this other feeling i’m talking about.]
[sidenote 2: i actually don’t really care that much about not-enough-ness when it comes to trends. i mean, i’m currently wearing leg warmers pulled up to my thighs and i sure as heck haven’t seen that look dominate the interwebs. #immunity]
but, in order to squash some of the other not-enough-ness chatter inside my head, i’ve been conscientiously decreasing the time i spend aimlessly online. this is kind of tricky since a lot of my projects revolve around this space, and lets face it, i LOVE so many things about the immediacy and sheer immensity of creative wealth that is ‘the internet’. but in setting limits and making time to leave these screens, i actually feel like a certain pressure has been lifted. the feeling of not-enough-ness has been replaced with something so much sweeter, kinder, calmer: a sense that i’m on the right track. that i’m happy with who i am and what i’m doing. a knowledge that my days are spent involved in work that i really love. and that the place i am at, is where i’d always longed to be.