THE COZYHUNTER
// she's only happy in the sun.
17
Apr 12
4 comments

ready. steady.

it’s not safe (because it can blind other drivers) but i still think this is an awesome helmet:

(thanks courtney craig for knowing me oh so well).

this toothpick holder is super kitschy but also kind of fantastic.

//

i feel like there is an invisible string tied directly between phix’s bottom lip and my heart, so when his lip quivers in sadness all i want to do is find a way to make it better. the responsibility of ‘making it all better’ weighs on me. sometimes it feels like a warm coat on a cold day. heavy and reassuring and ever-present. and other times i’m suffocated by the sheer bulk of it. i want to cast it aside and revel in a summer haze where i am only responsible for myself. like every other aspect of parenthood i am caught between wanting and un-wanting. i know that’s not a real word, but i don’t always have the real words these days.

i find myself thinking that i can’t wait until he’s older. and then the next moment i’m folding up his newborn outfits with tears in my eyes because he is growing far too quickly. even when he’s sleeping i’m divided. i’m so glad he’s finally asleep. i have my arms free. i can catch up on work. i can make our bed. but then i stare at his serene little face and i miss him so desperately that i want him to wake up just so i can hug him.

//

//

whoever thinks babies are boring has not met our phoenix hugh. he is passionate. attentive. wide-eyed and observant. he relishes warm water trickling on his back and he likes his feet to be held while he naps. when he graces you with his smile it feels like double-rainbows just exploded all over the room. his cries are loud. he knows what he wants. while his papa plays the guitar he listens and watches him with an intense gaze of concentration – dev’s captive audience of one. he mimics mamani’s facial expressions and his fussiness is appeased when she takes him outside to ‘see the birds’. he eats every meal as if it is his last. voraciously gulping faster than his little body can take it in and when he’s done and his head is too heavy for him to hold up, we laugh at his milk-drunk stupor.

//

we hosted an open house for the launch of our official soulpancake office last weekend. we served up custom made pancakes on the skillet and invited a lot of folks who are friends of SP. rainn gave a little welcome speech and a bunch of thank yous to people who have been a huge help in getting SP to where it is today.

it was a really fantastic event and we are all so excited to finally have a place to work out of that isn’t a car/coffeeshop/our bed. you can see some photos from the brunch here. as you’ll see we have most of the furniture installed and we are now putting the finishing touches on the decor and personalizing the space a bit more. i think it’s pretty awesome that all the art elements you see in the photos we created ourselves. i really love this piece that one of our web designers and dev built out of hot pink and white string at 4am the night before the event:

we also gave out copies of soulpancake’s 2012 reel and my mum sewed ‘cases’ for the dvds out of an old dictionary i had:

i’m now getting to the juncture where i need to figure out how i plan to divide my time between mamahood and my role with soulpancake. it has come as somewhat of a surprise to me that i really miss my work. in my absence, dev and shabs have forged on with all the demands of our rapidly-growing company, and although it has been wonderful having this time to focus on phix, there are some pretty insane opportunities on the horizon for soulpancake and i can’t imagine not being involved in them. i read most of the work emails that flurry into my inbox and try to sit in on conference calls, but it’s not quite the same. i guess it boils down to the fact that i want one foot in each world, and i’m not sure if that’s realistic.

//

future album art?

 

13
Apr 12
6 comments

because everyone deserves to feel validated.

i’m sure you’ve seen this video doing the social media rounds. it was posted on my facebook wall by the lovely calla and not only is the story super heartwarming, but i also really appreciate the filmmaker’s visual style. there is SUCH an art to good storytelling in film…and i am instantly won over when cinematographers compose their shots carefully in order to make each scene look like a beautiful photograph.

watching this little film, i see a ‘caine’ in all of us who are diligently doing our ‘work’ (whatever that looks like), striving for excellence and offering our creations to the world with wide-eyed optimism. i love that this young child persevered and followed through with his passion project even without any customers, and how much care and thought he put into his inventions. i am inspired by his unbridled imagination and his dedication. and i was also struck by the beautiful simplicity of the message at its core. basically one person decided to unabashedly validate another person. and i think that’s why our hearts are touched. it is truly as simple as that.

and i find it a bit sad that it takes videos like this for us to be reminded of what is actually important…but i’m not sure that championing and upholding another person’s worth isn’t always top of our ‘to do’ lists. i feel like we are conditioned to place emphasis on ourselves and told to ‘stand out from the crowd’ by championing and upholding what we do and what we’ve accomplished. and while i think having a healthy sense of self worth is absolutely essential, i think that the pendulum has swung a little too far in that direction when we forget to applaud and lift up and serve those around us.

on a daily basis i watch as my mother selflessly takes care of every.single.household task so that i can focus entirely on phoenix, and there is no better example to me of how to give tirelessly without a single trace of self. she serves the people around her so joyfully, so innocently, so readily, without need for reward or praise or even acknowledgement. she is, for sure, one of my living heroes.

in the past few months i’ve found myself magnetized even more strongly towards projects and people who have that outward orientation, who walk the talk with their desire to better the world in both big and small ways. i want to be part of a culture that is supportive and engenders growth and since i believe we create our realities, i have found myself aligning with people that offer themselves without calculating give and take. and perhaps because i’m now a mama with even less time to dispense, i have started to gently release from my life, people who are wholly self-involved and have ulterior motives or false facades. instead i ask to be met with honesty, with heart, and without agenda. the people-pleaser in me is going to take a backseat, and my boundaries are going to be more resolved so that my energies can instead go into doing my part to validate all the ‘caine’s’ i encounter on a daily basis.

11
Apr 12
9 comments

letters to phoenix // 3

dear phoenix,

lately both you and i have been wearing some pretty awkward-looking ensembles. it seems that overnight you grew out of all of your newborn outfits, however you are not yet filling out your 0-3 month old threads either. and i’m sort of in the same boat. i’ve shed most of my pregnancy weight but i’m not back to my pre-you body. so we both live in this limbo land between sizes, and while you look adorable no matter what you’re wearing, i look like i need a stern talking to, because leggings are NOT pants, and furthermore, maternity leggings are NOT really leggings meant for non-pregnant people.

and since we’re on the topic of clothes, it was only a matter of time before you rocked a yellow headband. i’m surprised it wasn’t already programmed in your DNA to come out of the womb with one, but here you are with your proud papa styling not one, but TWO different yellow headbands that you received as gifts. #andsoitbegins

you are definitely an active little creature and one of your superhuman skills is your ability to escape out of even the most sophisticated swaddle. i wasn’t really familiar with swaddles/swaddling before you came along, but one of the first pieces of advice you get as a new parent is to wrap your baby up tightly – like a burrito. supposedly this reminds you of how you felt in the womb, and that is supposed to be comforting. the nurses at the hospital were masters in the art of swaddling and dev and i would watch in awe as they wrapped up your tiny body in a matter of seconds, even tucking in the extraneous fabric like you were a neat parcel ready for the mailing. so we followed suit, watched instructional videos and took swaddling seriously. however, what we didn’t anticipate were your incredible de-swaddling skills. to this day, no matter how tightly you’re wrapped, and how architecturally sound the swaddle is, you will figure out a way to escape from it. you insist that your arms be up by your head in a superman pose, and so within minutes, they are back up and waving around. which would be all well and good if they didn’t do such a splendid job at keeping.you.awake. and let me tell you phix, along with eating, and music time with papa, being awake seems to be your most favorite thing in the world.

after a few weeks of your houdini antics, i decided to go to the internet for help. (sidenote: the internet is simultaneously a new parents best friend and worst enemy. there are the wonderful aspects like when i read through a thread where other mama’s discuss an aspect of parenting that i’m being tested with, and i am so relieved to know i am not alone. and then there are the terrible aspects, when i look up some innocuous information, like whether babies can drink water, and next thing you know i’ve headed down a dark spiral of scary that almost always ends in “your baby might die”. i forgive the internet for its pitfalls however due to the legion of addictive apps on my iPhone (currently topping the charts is ‘draw something’) which help me stay awake while feeding you at 1 in the morning. and 3. and 5. and did i mention that you really like being awake?)

where was i? oh yes, the perils and pros of the interwebs informed me about a swaddle that uses velcro as a fastener. a few moments later i had ordered one and was excitedly anticipating the night that i would place you inside this cozy (let’s be honest here) straightjacket, and have you unable to wrangle your body out of it. but the internet was WRONG. you quickly figured out just the right technique of shuffling and wriggling and within minutes, you have unleashed your arms which you then wave about as if to say “take that stupid swaddle. i see your velcro. and i raise you two arms. and a WIDE AWAKE BABY!”

the other night your papa and i decided to go on a date to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary. it was the first time i’ve left you for a substantial period of time, but we armed your mamani with a bottle of breast-milk and while you slept we slipped out of the house. my initial emotion was exhilaration. i was free! it was just like the old days! but as soon as we started pulling out of our driveway i turned to your father and said quietly “i miss phoenix” and he gently applied the breaks and replied “yeah…me too”. we decided to forge ahead with our date but we spent the entire time talking about you. how adorable you are. how much you’ve grown. how excited we are for our future as a family. we stared at your pictures on our phones. we looked anxiously at the clock and wondered if you’d woken up. and when we finally couldn’t take it anymore we raced back to you. and when we saw you it felt like every special occasion all rolled into one. we snuggled with you on our bed and traced the outlines of your face and decided that being with you > everything else.

yesterday i went into our room just as you were waking from your nap. when your eyes found mine you looked up at me excitedly as if you’d been waiting for me your entire life. i want you to know that every time i see you i feel exactly the same way.

love,
mama

03
Apr 12
7 comments
01
Apr 12
4 comments

embracing now.ness.

hello. yes, i’m still here. and although i would really like to blog more often my hands are a little preoccupied with a certain cuddly baby boy who smells better than oprah. and i know this because 1. i got to smell (and hug) oprah a few months ago, and 2. she smells amazing, but 3. baby phoenix scent still wins.

even when i do get a moment of time to myself there is so much i need to do. i mean, these persian/armenian eyebrows are not going to pluck themselves, and so my blog sits forlorn and unattended. which reminds me, HOW DO SINGLE PARENTS DO IT? they are my heroes. seriously. the whole ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ is not just a nice idea, it’s oh so very true.  i need a village worth of people just to take turns swaying and shushing my child to sleep. which brings me to another point – the only people i can tolerate ‘hanging out’ with right now are those that do not treat our baby like some new piece of living room furniture, but rather, roll up their sleeves and ask how they can help. couch-sitters who want to discuss their failed work romances need not apply.

***

we are throwing a party for soulpancake. a pancake party. obviously. we are celebrating our lovely new office AND some hugely exciting prospects on the horizon. i can’t yet discuss the details, but chances are high that there will be a lot more soulpancakey goodness on a tv screen near you. i am excited. you know, as excited as you can be when you’re also entirely exhausted.

***

a few people have asked how we decided on the name phoenix hugh. well, besides how awesome it is that phoenix means a sacred, mythical fire bird, i think the other ‘deciding’ factor was this passage from the baha’i writings that dev and i fell in love with:

O Son of Spirit! Burst thy cage asunder, and even as the phoenix of love soar into the firmament of holiness. Renounce thyself and, filled with the spirit of mercy, abide in the realm of celestial sanctity.

his middle name, hugh, was devon’s grandfather’s name, and also dev’s middle name. and we felt it was a nice balance to phoenix.

when we first starting considering the name ‘phoenix’ i used to write it with my finger in the steam on the shower door. i would try various handwriting styles and consider how hard it would be to teach him how to spell it. for about two seconds i even considered ‘finix’. but that seemed a little too out there, even for a woman named golriz.

i think about all the times i traced phoenix’s name as i hold him in the shower. ‘tub time’ together is part our new routine. my mum brings him to me after i’ve gotten the water temperature just right and as the warm water trickles over his back he closes his eyes blissfully and relaxes his little body into my arms. and now i have a whole new definition for contentment.

***

dev’s favorite new saying in relation to phoenix is: ‘my boy, my joy!’ which is he prone to yell out excitedly whenever he sees his child. even at 3 am. even if we have guests sleeping in the next room. even if i’m desperately trying to put phoenix back to sleep with soothing hushed tones. you really need to hear it in person to get the full effect, but there is something about this phrase that is, in equal parts, endearing and annoying. luckily, the friends who have stayed with us the past few weeks and been been startled awake with dev’s middle-of-the-night MY BOY! MY JOY! anthem all see the humor in it. or they pretend to. and that’s what friends are for. :)

***

on a daily basis i fall into these beautiful eyes.

01
Apr 12
4 comments

chatterbox.

one of my favorite soulpancake episodes aired recently. i feel pretty confident that you could never guess how many balls it took to fill the pit.

22
Mar 12
add comment

letters to phoenix // 2

dear phoenix,

it’s late and i should be sleeping. but there are precious few moments these days when my hands are free and so i’m seizing this opportunity to record some glimpses of our life together. you’re already growing and changing and learning so much and i worry that if i don’t pause to write you these letters, i’ll wake up one day and you’ll be asking for the car keys.

one of your most recent achievements is that you’ve graduated from your pitiful newborn yelps to some serious i-mean-business screams. and when you decide to unleash your screaminess onto the world your whole body joins in the action – complete with quivering bottom lip, scrunched up eyes and balled up fists. your papa and i often look at each other bewildered and heart-broken as we try every maneuver in the book to squash your sadness. we go through the ‘S’s (thanks to dr. karp) – swaddling, and shushing, side holds, and swaying…however, it’s rarely that complicated. it seems that every time you are furiously yelling, all you want is more milk. and as soon as you get the goods you immediately stop all the commotion (sometimes even mid-scream) and happily chug away. and all this ravenous eating is paying off – your little neck has been taken over by a hefty double chin and your limbs are plumping up perfectly – which makes chewing on them all the more satisfying.

your papa and my favorite pastime is watching you absorbing the world around you. we observe as you experiment with extending your arms and legs, only to have their reach surprise you. you love the interplay of light and shadow and you adore bath time with mamani. as you nurse you have a habit of grasping at my necklace as if to ensure that i don’t try and go anywhere. you love sitting with your papa and listening to music together, and you indulge us by acting amused at the songs we sing to you on the spot.

i also need to address your lips for a second. i’ll be honest, i have always been a bit creeped out by parents who kiss their kids on the lips, but now i GET IT. your papa and i can’t help ourselves. they are so pink, and pouty, and perfect. i promise we’ll stop this behavior at some point, hopefully before you hit high school ;)

this past weekend i was resolved to leave.the.house. with you. i know this may not sound like a grand undertaking, but on that fine sunday, after watching many a youtube tutorial, i finally figured out how to use one of the baby wraps we were given as a gift, and your papa and i went on our first real outing with you. and it was AMAZING! we walked down the street to the local farmers market and i actually wanted to hug the strangers we passed, just because i COULD. my hands and arms were freeeee! we were outside! you were cozily sleeping against my chest! and OH HOW MARVELOUS LIFE COULD BE!

so yeah, outside time with you is the best and the novelty hasn’t worn off. i wrap the wrap, pop you in, and head down the road feeling ever so triumphant. i talk to you as i admire the spring time blossoms and most of the time you’re bored by my incessant chatter and you sleep in your cozy nook.

i’m finding myself caught between wanting everything to slow down so that i can better take it all in and also this desperate desire to speed up time so i can arrive at some distant shore where it is all more manageable. friends who have experienced new-mamahood, assure me that it will get better/easier. and that’s helpful i guess. but in the here and now, i’m still sometimes ambushed with an unshakeable sadness and a sense that i will never again feel my usual lightness of being. a kind reader of my blog directed me to this post which resonates on so many levels. i especially love this extract:

Not one bit of life is a weight or a measure, a list or a date, a tick or a tock. It is never a result or an outcome. What it is, is a continual marvel, a wondrous flow without distance or gap, a perpetual stream in which we bob and float. We are buffered from nothing and yet never quite fully immersed because our thinking mind keeps eyeing the banks, gauging the current, scoping for landmarks and striving for some kind of perfect, elusive destination. There isn’t a destination. Life keeps going. It keeps going within us; when we’re not attentive, it keeps going without us.


and so i am working on being more present. i’m trying to ignore the clock and the calendar and my inbox. and even when it’s hard, and i’m exhausted beyond comprehension, and i’m worried about all the other things that need my time and attention, i am making you my priority. because you, my heart-breakingly beautiful son, deserve nothing less.

love,

mama

13
Mar 12
4 comments

crepuscular.

it’s somewhat difficult for me to admit that something i yearned for and wanted so badly has tests and difficulties that i hadn’t anticipated. i feel like i did my due diligence. i read stacks of books. we sat through 10 weeks of 3-hour a piece birthing classes. i have long observed other parents and taken mental notes of those i wanted to model. and yet, all that ‘education’ didn’t prepare me for this unnerving sense of ‘displaced me-ness’. i’m sorry i don’t have the vocabulary/coherency to describe this feeling more eloquently. i’m coming to terms with the fact that my only task right now is to give. and then give some more. and to do it all with a certain serenity lest i seem ungrateful for this incredible gift. and so i give because that is my full time job right now. my little phix is hungry. he needs his mama. he wants me to hold him while he sleeps. and though i would do anything for him, any.thing, a tiny part of me wonders whether i’m losing myself.

**

when i hold my son i have no sense of where my skin ends and his begins.

**

these past few days i have felt a surge of support from friends and even strangers, many who have already adventured through this beautiful, exhilarating, rocky passage of new-parenthood and managed to come through to the other side relatively unscathed. even though your calls remain un-returned for now and the messages and emails await reply, i’m so, so grateful.

**
exhausted and raw, i close my eyes and repeat, in my head, the council of friends: “this is all temporary. temporary. temporary”.

**
i inhale the scent of phoenix’s velvet soft forehead and now it’s the sheer temporariness of it all that reduces me to tears.

**

i have always been fond of the word crepuscular because it means ‘relating to twilight’ which is my favorite part of the day. LA twilight’s are rather magical – pink and purple hues envelope the sky and a certain stillness blankets this ever-pulsing city. these days dev returns home just before dusk and together we lay on our bed with our son snuggled between us and we admire his new facial expressions and prussian blue eyes. dev hugs us both close and whispers “i love my family”. i want to freeze those moments so that at other times i can revive them and with perfect clarity remember when all was right with the world.

09
Mar 12
11 comments

moment to moment.

i guess i wasn’t quite prepared for all the heartache that intertwines its hands with the sweet joy that comes along with being a parent. it seems there are no more frivolous decisions in our world – everything is weighed and considered and researched. our good intentions (for example, only using cloth diapers, not giving phoenix a pacifier, letting him feed on demand instead of on a schedule) are all pitted against practicality and sage advice and 4am desperation. as dawn crept into our bedroom on a night which could best be described as our first foray into severe sleep deprivation, dev and i discarded our bradley method training of absolutely no artificial nipples, and gave phoenix a pacifier that we’d received as a gift. i remember opening that present and smugly thinking “ha, we are not going to need this”. but there we were, at 6am, reaching for whatever it was would give us a moment of respite. and though phix took the pacifier and promptly fell asleep, i lay awake feeling incredibly guilty, spending the next two hours researching pacifier pros/cons with a heavy heart.

**

every afternoon my mother (who has chosen her grandmother name to be ‘mamani’) gives phoenix a little bath in our kitchen sink. she likes this time of day because its warmer, and if there was a ever a temperature monitor in our house it would be mamani. she’s constantly swaddling our boy, making sure his head is covered and admonishing me for not keeping his feet warm enough. there are only a three things my mum won’t tolerate – and those are: drafts, throwing away things that can be recycled, and electrical appliances that make excess noise (case and point: she refuses to use our dryer and so our backyard now has string affixed from tree to tree as a makeshift clothesline). together we place phoenix into the water, wriggly feet first. it takes him a second to adjust to the new sensations but then he relaxes his little body, closes his eyes and luxuriates.

in conclusion, even though she dresses my child for alaskan climes, i *love* having my mama here.

**

our midwife warned me that this would happen. that a certain sadness would creep in as my hormones readjusted after pregnancy. she explained that post-partum depression fell along a spectrum, that some mothers might just feel a bit blue for a couple of days and on the other end of there was severe depression. she told me that i too would fall somewhere along this bell curve and assured me that it was totally natural. and although i listened and nodded, i wasn’t prepared for the swell of emotions that hit me this week. on monday, after rox and ryan left, mum was out with her cousin and it was just phix and i at home. it was the first time the two of us had ever been home alone and we were both soaking in the quiet peacefulness of our house. i began to nurse and started and to think about the moment i found out i was pregnant. that memory was a catalyst for tears that began tumbling down my cheeks and falling on phoenix’s little face. i couldn’t stop crying. and so, every day since, in the late afternoons and early evenings i’ve felt that  sadness arrive and linger. the lump in my throat gets lodged and i feel fragile and tender. i want to curl up in a ball and cry until there are no tears left. and though my rational mind knows there’s no reason for it, my emotions tell me that i’m crying for all.the.reasons.combined. i cry because this love i feel for my child is too intense and overwhelming. and i cry because every child is loved in this way and yet in our war-torn world we can be so fickle with how we value other lives. and i cry because i am not sure i will ever take a long shower again. and i cry because i have no idea what sort of immunization schedule to follow. i cry for the incredible women i know that long to be mothers and yet cannot have children of their own. i cry because i watched the kony video. and then i cried because of all the controversy surrounding it and blurring the real issue – that no child should ever live in fear. i cry because phoenix’s lips are too beautiful and perfect and one day they will be kissed by others than me. i cry because in phoenix’s dad i have found my true partner and i can’t imagine.my.life.without.him.

and then morning comes, and the sadness retreats, and in its place is my eager excitement to nuzzle my boy and kiss his cheeks a thousand times. quite often i will catch phoenix as he ‘sleep-smiles’ and in those moments i feel strong enough to take on all the sadness in the world, because what i have at arm’s reach is so perfect.

06
Mar 12
8 comments

letters to phoenix // 1

dear phoenix,

exactly one week ago, your papa gently guided you as you were born into this world. he placed your little warm body onto my chest and every sinew in my body pulsed with a love i’ve never.felt.before. you had finally arrived. this body and soul i had carried for nine months was finally here. vulnerable and small. trusting and gentle. perfect and serene.

the process of your birth was powerful. intimate. intense. i labored with your papa at our home for several hours – lying on our bed face to face, with giant smiles knowing that with every contraction we were getting closer to meeting you. we were a bundle of excitement and nerves, apprehension and impatience. to pass the time, your papa created a playlist of songs we could listen to as i labored and i finished packing our hospital bag, pausing every so often to let each contraction pass. your aunt anisa and grandmother (mamani) helped pack the car and we all arrived at the hospital at 2am. by this time my contractions were only a few minutes apart and it was reassuring to be greeted by our sweet midwife who promptly checked me and confirmed that i was in active labor. we had decided in advance that we wanted to avoid any interventions or pain medication so the hospital staff gave us privacy as we made the labor and delivery room ‘ours’. we switched off all the overhead lights and  softly lit the room with a lamp we’d brought from home. as the music we’d chosen filled the room, your papa and i held each other and moved together through the steadily intensifying contractions. as the pressure and pain increased, i placed my trust in my body, my instincts, and in your devoted, attentive papa.

time stood still towards the end as i had to focus every ounce of energy into your arrival. i remember concentrating on my breath. i remember stillness and hushed voices. i remember visualizing antelope running through spacious landscapes and large birds winging their way through wide-open skies. i remember praying. i remember our wedding song playing in the background. i remember your papa squeezing my hand tightly. and then i remember pushing through every boundary of pressure, pain and intensity that i have ever experienced. and then all the atoms in the room stood to attention, and you were born.

these past seven days with you have been so lovely. you posses a calm and peaceful spirit and you generously let us share you with family and friends who cannot help but be enamored with you. i adore waking to you each dawn and stroking your velvet-soft forehead as you nurse with flushed rosy cheeks. i gaze at your face for hours, examining each expression you make and often finding myself quite lost in you. everything you are experiencing right now is a first. your first sneeze. your first yawn. your first bath. i am already mourning the fact that you are growing and changing daily while i’m also exhilarated by each new development (especially your rapidly developing double chin!). i kiss your button nose a hundred times a day and inhale the sweet scent of your neck like it’s my job. and in a sense, it is.

you’ve saturated our lives with so much joy and happiness my sweet boy. i know i speak for your papa also, when i tell you that we feel honored and humbled and ever so grateful to be your parents.

love,

mama

02
Mar 12
28 comments

introducing our smoochling.

his name is phoenix hugh gundry.

he was born on monday feb 27, 8:29am. (caught by his papa).

we have fallen deeply, madly, blissfully in love.

more to come.

23
Feb 12
5 comments

letter to our little one // part 10.

my dear nori,

so, you could be born today. or tomorrow. or anywhere within the span of the next two weeks. it really depends on who you want to prove right- intuitive healers with pendulums, your grandmothers, the mayans, or our midwife. right now you seem very content to hang out in your womb-room, while the world around you hustles and prepares everything for your arrival. the floors have been swept spotless. your impossibly tiny clothes have been washed in baby safe detergent and neatly folded. a flower bed has been planted in our backyard by your ‘mamani’ ready to welcome you. i sat through a how-to video on breastfeeding that was shot in 1989 and tried not to get distracted by all the glorious permed hair. your fashionista aunt anisa has even waxed her legs. so when i say everything, i mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. has been prepared for your imminent arrival.

this past sunday you had your first party. your papa made sure you made quite the entrance wearing bright green. he was adamant that you had to be ‘on display’ so 5 minutes before the party i shimmied into a pre-pregnancy dress. and then prayed that you wouldn’t burst asunder from its screaming seams. your protrusion was definitely the guest of honor at the party and you were loved and caressed and hugged by so many of our dearest friends and family members. you also scored some pretty amazing gifts. in fact, you now have so many outfits that i’m worried that you will out-grow them before you can make the rounds of wearing them all.

and let’s just talk about these clothes of yours for a moment. OH.MY! they are so small. so perfect. so soft and delicate and adorable. i want to gather them all up in a big bundle on our bed and roll about in them. i know that sounds crazy. and i know such behavior should be relegated to situations that involve an abundance of $100 bills. but i just can’t help it. the thought of you growing out of these clothes literally makes my heart ache. and suddenly i’m fast-forwarding to the day when instead of fitting 50 of your outfits into the washing machine, i’ll only be able to fit a pair of your jeans, some shirts and a hoodie, because my once-tiny-baby-boy will be a giant. and i’ll be honest, the only thing that is preventing me from weeping all over this keyboard is a vague curiosity of what washing machines might look like by the time we get to that point.

sigh.

our house is so quiet and still right now. it’s just you and i here – a very rare occurrence that i’m luxuriating in. your grandmothers have gone to the store. your papa is at the editing suite working so hard as always. and i’m sitting here on our bed entirely at peace. i’m filled to the brim with you little nori, both literally and figuratively it seems. and these heartbeats of mine that you’ve become accustomed to hearing carry so much gratitude and hope and promise for you. as much as i may want to, however, i cannot offer you any guarantees about this world we are welcoming you to. there will be thursday afternoons just like today when the sun shines amidst a cloudless skies and everything seems to be in perfect harmony, but unfortunately our greater globe is also rife with injustice, turbulence and confusion. i cannot make you assurances that your heart won’t be broken, or that you will never lie awake feeling scared or anxious. i can’t shelter you from every instance of hurt or pain. but i can promise you that i will always be your mama. i will forever be the first person who knew of your existence and loved you from that very instant. i will always be your biggest supporter, your greatest defender, and i will do my very best to create the safest, softest place for you to land whenever you need it.

i cannot wait to meet you my tiny darling.

love,

mama

 

**

when dev and i first found out that i was pregnant we decided that while i was in the somewhat fragile early stages, we’d keep the news pretty quiet. which was incredibly hard for both of us to do. one day dev suggested i start writing letters to ‘nori’ (devon’s codename for our baby) so that i could at least have some kind of outlet for my hard-to-contain-excitement. here are the rest: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9.

22
Feb 12
add comment

flying babies

this series of photos by rachel hulin is pretty charming. don’t be alarmed, photoshop is involved.

 

20
Feb 12
6 comments

nori’s first party.

my friend angela just sent me a few of her lovely photos from our baby shower yesterday. it was such a gorgeous afternoon, and i’m so grateful for the love that nikki, ashley and my mama poured into every detail. as the sun streamed down on our little backyard i felt so happy that ‘nori’ will be entering such a loving circle of friends and family.

14
Feb 12
add comment

talented friends post nombre deux

since today is all about celebrating love, who better to shower with admiration than some more of my oh-so-talented friends. for those that missed it, part 1 of my talented friends post is here.

charity hofert

my beautiful friend charity creates beautiful art (and beautiful children). she recently posted a picture of three little spoons she handcrafted and i was instantly smitten. and not just because i have a thing for spoons. but the fact is, everything would taste better eaten with these spoons.

also, i think i need this plate.

nina mcsweeney

i can’t adequately describe how much love i have for my friend nina. she lives on a beautiful island off the coast of new zealand which is perfect except for the fact that it is so far away from our little abode in america. nina is a singer/songwriter/illustrator/all-around-creative-kindred-spirit. she is brilliant and beautiful, and she can play a mean blues harp. nina is currently putting the finishing touches on her album (!) and i can’t wait to hear it.  she is also one of the best gift-givers on the planet – for example how fantastic is this lionel richie mug that she sent me?

joshua spencer

josh is one of dev’s cousins. when we first met i sat spellbound as he told me stories about the surf gangs of venice beach. i’m a sucker for a good story teller and i am also a big fan of his photography.

jake simkin

oh jake. i don’t even know where to start with this guy. he is a talented photographer/filmmaker and probably a superhero. there was that one time in pakistan when he threw up all over me, but i’ve forgiven him because he is a beautiful example of someone constantly striving to serve. i feel like jake is happiest when he is utilizing his talents to help others, which makes him one of my favorite people. i can’t actually keep up with all the projects he is working, but i know that he’s currently involved in helping to set up schools in afghanistan’s tribal areas.

08
Feb 12
10 comments

heart. attack.

our latest soulpancake episode is up on oprah.com. i think it might be one of my favorites!

for those of you living in exotic places (i.e. not the usa), you could try this link.

07
Feb 12
1 comment

love ever after.

This is my kind of kickstarter project. In the words of the artist:

Love Ever After will share the love stories of couples who have been married for at least 50 years. Inspired by a letter my grandfather wrote to my grandmother during World War II (and rediscovered after he passed away in 2007), I began photographing and interviewing couples in the New York area as a way to preserve their stories and to illuminate our universal experience of love.

06
Feb 12
3 comments

letter to our little one // part 9.

dear nori,

it’s already february, which means that according to my original doctor you are due to arrive at the end of this month. however, according to my midwife, you’re going to be a march baby. so now when people ask your due date, i just shrug and say we don’t really know. which concerns some people. so much so, that they look down at their feet as if they’re anticipating my water to burst right then and there and potentially ruin their shoes.

it’s a fair question though, as i do look ready to pop. my entire belly is one round hard bundle of you. and at every opportunity you push and press your little body against the insides of mine to remind me that your womb home is getting a little tight and perhaps you’d like me to consider adding another wing. but that’s not going to happen, so at this point, we should have a frank conversation. about how small i am, and how potentially ‘big’ you could be, and the physics of it all, and how it would be totally ok for you to hold off on gaining all your cute chunky thigh fat until you are OUT of my body. thankyouverymuch.

our house is still a hive of activity as our productions for the oprah network are still in full swing. most of my days are spent sitting around our kitchen table figuring out locations, and scripts for voice overs, and wondering how on earth we will build an 8 foot set of headphones. i keep planning on going for long walks, or at least sitting in the sunshine for a few minutes each day, but suddenly it’s 7pm and time to eat and i’m exhausted. this all comes down to ‘claiming’ the time i need each day…but setting those boundaries is not something that i’m very good at. especially when those around me are also working at top speeds and there is just so.much.to.do.  but i am trying to reduce my responsibilities to some capacity so that i can be totally present during these last few precious weeks before our lives change forever. and even though i know that i’m already a mother, i realize that this will take on a whole new meaning when you are actually here here.

at our birthing class tonight we sat next to miranda july and her husband, mike mills. i tried not to stare at her, but she is one of my favorite creative muses and i had a hard time concentrating on our class because i was trying to figure out how to tell her that in a graceful (read: non stalkerish) way. meanwhile your papa, who is one of the world’s most friendly and disarming humans, started chatting to mike and next thing i knew they were talking about how we’re both planning our births at the same hospital in LA! no pressure nori, but you might need to become bff’s with miranda’s baby. ok?

we practiced birthing poses and ‘pushing’ breaths in class tonight, and besides my miranda-fascination, i was also distracted by the fact that in a few short weeks, i would no longer be practicing but actually giving BIRTH. to you. and it’s still just so surreal. every other thing in my life that i’ve anticipated has come and gone – first days at school, big trips, starting new jobs, and our wedding, etc. and even though all of those events were significant moments in my life, the anticipation that surrounds your arrival feels unlike any other. it’s a cocktail of exhilleration and excitement and joy and WE REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO EXPECT-ness.

i recently found these two similar posed photos of your papa and i when we were babies, and i’m so curious to find out what you look like and what sort of combination you’ll have of our features.

as your ambiguous due date draws near, our greatest hope is, of course, that you are healthy. we pray that your transition from womb-world to this world is as intervention-free and safe as possible. your papa wants to be the first to hold you and to place you on my chest. and if all goes to plan, we will have those first precious moments as a family to ourselves. we will lie there and greet each other and try to survive our hearts imploding as they expand to ten times their original size. and even though our future together will undoubtedly hold the highest highs, i also know there will be lows. moments when extreme tiredness gives way to tears of frustration, or instances when doing the best i can, is simply not good enough, but please know that i will keep trying. i promise you that i will work hard every day to become a better me, for you. 

love,

mama

01
Feb 12
3 comments

red + yellow make orange.

i am such a sucker for stop motion. and color. and people creating awesome things for children. so this is a win/win/win.

30
Jan 12
4 comments

just a few of my talented friends.

i’ve always been a big fan of my dear friend leili‘s photography, jewelry, and ceramics. i find her latest artistic creations to be so beautiful:

**

i am constantly awestruck by quddus’ blog. we’ve been penpals for over a decade and i think his writing is the best kind – raw, vulnerable, honest and unfiltered. somehow, he manages to find words for even the most subtle and fragile emotions and moments. it helps that he is also a smarty pants and has probably read every book worth reading.

**

my sweet sister, holley seals, in nashville is working on launching an urban food park where a bunch of food trucks can convene and serve up their treats on a regular basis. i love how family-friendly this idea is and i’m so proud of hol, and excited that her project is gathering momentum!

**

one of the happiest, sweetest, people i know in los angeles is pardis sullins. she is part of our soulpancake family and she masterfully curates all the amazing art you will see featured on the soulpancake tumblr. our soulpancake episodes rely heavily on her amazing talent as a prop builder/creator/painter and during our productions we would be lost without her.

**

in other news, our little neighborhood (atwater village) was recently listed as one of the six ‘hottest emerging neighborhoods’. we are so happy here and it definitely fills a lot of the needs we had for a community –  friendly, safe, walking distance to trader joes, and amazing coffee and a weekly farmers market! i’m also incredible lucky that dev and i can walk to the new soulpancake office in five minutes. woot woot!

27
Jan 12
3 comments

list of things i want to do before nori leaves his womb room.

+ go swimming. feeling semi-weightless sounds amazing right.about.now

+ at least skim read all the books i bought to prepare for pregnancy. and give the hypno-birthing cd another chance.

+ keep up my prenatal yoga classes each week.

+ create a backyard sanctuary. or at least design it, so our friend liam can build it.

+ make those long overdue calls to my beloveds and have undistracted conversations.

+ take long showers. take my time getting out of bed. soak up quiet moments.

+ detach myself from the stresses of our work. release my strong desire for creative control. know that it will all.get.done.

+ indulge in small luxuries. massages. lemon creme brulee’s from proof bakery. a desperately needed hair cut.

+ enjoy the friends and family who will be visiting. create happy memories. take too many photos of our time together.

+ carve out space for prayer. reflection. sheer unbridled joy.

+ go on long walks with dev. hand in hand.

+ find patches of earth with wide open skies.

24
Jan 12
4 comments

more print prettiness

i just stumbled upon this etsy shop and was instantly enamored with blanca gomez’s simple lines and color blocking.

24
Jan 12
add comment

partial to prints.

once upon a time i became smitten with the japanese print making device called a ‘gocco‘. i finally purchased one of my own and then after using it once, it sat in my giant art supplies box and is still waiting for the day i’m ready to bust it out again. i was reminded of my forsaken gocco when i saw these lovely prints by Eloise Renouf.

 

23
Jan 12
1 comment

handiworks.

my desire to create stuff with my hands has developed quite an incessant voice in my head lately. it might be because such a majority of the work i do is interfacing with this screen and with oh.so.many words and images that never become tangible hold-in-your-hand objects. or maybe it’s part of the nesting drive and i just want to occupy my senses with color and fabrics and paint and tactile things i can touch and feel. but nevertheless, the voice is there. which is why i think i’ve been so drawn to other people’s handiworks lately.

today i spied takashii wasaki’s beautiful embroidery. my mum also has a knack for all things created by hand and wasaki’s work reminded me of being a kid and watching my mum focused on her task of creating beautiful objects. i would love to carve out space in my day and create an embroidery piece inspired by wasaki’s work to hang above nori’s crib.

21
Jan 12
3 comments

letter to our little one // part 8.

dear ‘nori’,

i’m sitting in bed with your papa lying beside me working on his laptop. it seems that you’re aware that i’m typing you a letter as the minute i began you started moving your little body as if to show off your recent developments in strength and agility. in the past few weeks you’ve become really good at digging your feet up in between my rib cage and making it hard for me to breathe. unsurprisingly, it’s not the most comfortable position, but i’ve become so used to your daily womb acrobatics that i wonder if i’ll miss even the discomfort when it’s gone. i know i’ll definitely miss this sense of being so close and intimately connected to you. but when that happens, i’ll just nibble on your toes and be grateful they’re no longer embedded in my esophagus.

your papa likes to tease me and proclaim that he is going to be the ‘cool, fun dad’ while he believes i’m going to take on the role of  ‘neurotic bad cop mom’. and though i’m sure that many of our friends and family probably assume that this will be how it all plays out, i beg to differ. during my entire pregnancy i feel like i’ve had a far more relaxed attitude than your papa who literally asks every hour if i’ve a) taken my supplements, b) consumed enough protein, c) drunk enough water, and d) counted your movements. and if he is worried about you at any moment in time (whether we are in public or private) he is prone to lifting up my shirt, getting down on his knees and serenading you until he feels you kick. i’ve literally woken up to find your dad’s hands on my belly counting your movements while i’ve been blissfully sleeping, unaware of his melodramatics. and woe betide me if i get caught taking a sip of a caffeinated beverage! our visits to the supermarket have become even longer as i’ll be casually tossing brie cheese into the basket and your papa is scrutinizing every.single.label to make sure the food i pick is hormone-free/non-GMO/pasteurized/organic/sans sugar… and the list goes on. so i have a feeling that your ‘cool, fun dad’ might also bust out this neurotic/over-protective side once you’re out on the other side of the womb world. which means ‘bad cop mom’ can chill out, throw back lattes and eat giant rounds of brie cheese whenever she damn well pleases.

your beautiful aunt anisa arrived today which is very exciting. you will have amazing aunts and uncles little nori, and i’m excited for you to get to know them and establish your own relationships with them. i am also excited for the day when our siblings have little ones and you will have a whole crew of cousins. you will always be the eldest of the bunch and i’m eager to watch you forge connections with your younger cousins and siblings that flourish and grow over your lifetime. when your dad’s cousin cameron visited lately i really enjoyed observing their bond and it made me wish i was also closer to my cousins. your papa told me about a time when he was very young and cameron had come to visit. when cameron was about to leave he told your papa that he’d hidden money somewhere the house. your dad spent months turning the house inside out searching for the money only to find out years later that his cousin had made the whole thing up. and this sums up what family is for, to drive you crazy – while you love them anyway.

a few weeks ago we saw your little face on the ultrasound. from that day forward, the below picture became your papa’s screensaver on his phone and we ‘look’ at you often. we like to believe you are smiling at us in this photo and our (rather biased) opinion is that you are entirely perfect.

there is one moment that i am eagerly anticipating more than any other moment in.my.entire.life.to.date. and that is when you and i first look into each others eyes. i realize that i probably can’t fathom the feeling, and yet, i also intuitively know that it will expose me to a vulnerability (yours and mine) that i’ve never felt before, and in doing so, change me forever. i promise that i will hold your gaze and imprint that precise moment on every fiber of my being. and if you ever, even for a second, feel lost or bewildered, scared or confused, you just need to look into my eyes to know my unceasing, unwavering love for you.

love,

mama

**

when dev and i first found out that i was pregnant we decided that while i was in the somewhat fragile early stages, we’d keep the news pretty quiet. which was incredibly hard for both of us to do. one day dev suggested i start writing letters to ‘nori’ (devon’s codename for our baby) so that i could at least have some kind of outlet for my hard-to-contain-excitement. here are the rest: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7.

21
Jan 12
3 comments

aaaaand i’m back.

1. whenever we ramp up production of our SoulPancake segments the rest of my pastimes (including updating this little piece of web-estate) get neglected. we’ve just wrapped another week of shooting and so i have a little time to resurface, and catch my breath, before our next big shoot in mid-february. as i’m reflecting back over this production i’m so proud of how far we’ve come. how much we’ve learned and how great our team is. i love working with such a passionate, hard-working, and best of all – enthusiastic, crew. and i can’t wait to share our new episodes with you!

2. my need to ‘nest’ has headed into overdrive lately. which is a little problematic as our house is also production central. having to navigate around camera gear, giant props and members of our crew who camped out at our place during the pre-production week wasn’t helping either. i have a constant, desperate desire to clean.ALL.the.things (to quote evbeff). and not just to ‘tidy’ but to scour. scrub. deep clean. i want to dust crevices and disinfect every surface, which is not that easy when your belly keeps you from bending or reaching shelves.  clutter has become my nemesis and if i see a ‘pile’ of things they have to be dealt with – immediately. every other day i make the rounds and clean out the small trash bins in our house because i can’t really handle having trash in them. i know this might sound crazy/ocd, but mothers have told me that this is what ‘nesting’ can feel like. so if you come to visit, and i start washing your coffee cup before your done taking your last sips, well, i’m sorry but you can take it up with my hormones.

3. which leads me to the chapter i could write on ALL THE THINGS THAT PREGNANT WOMEN CAN GET AWAY WITH! i’ve learned that being so obviously pregnant gives me all kinds of immunity. for example, last night we were at a house concert held at a gorgeous mansion where even the fruit in the fruit bowl looked architecturally designed. i was hungry and even though there were lovely platters of macaroons and treats, i needed something more substantial like a banana or an apple. so, i had the nerve to raid the gorgeous-meant-for-display-not-consumption-fruit-bowl. in front of all the guests. and no one even blinked an eyelid. and then i sat in the back of the room with dev on a comfortable couch and promptly fell.asleep. and people around us thought it was cute. not rude and weird. but cute! and what about the fact that i wear leggings and uggs daily. like it’s my job to only wear clothes that have zero structure to them. and not even the fashionista’s in silverlake give me reproachful glances. i feel invincible. like i can get away with all sorts of social taboos.

4. i have been receiving some lovely things in the mail lately. ok, so a lot of them are for ‘nori’ bump and not me per say, but a parcel in the mail is still a parcel in the mail, and i get very excited on nori’s behalf. one package that arrived for me the other day was a lovely selection of skin care products from nassim, the creator of nassim naturals. what i love so much about nassim’s products is the fact that she makes them all from scratch out of natural ingredients so they are safe for babies. and they smell SO GOOD. i also love that the diaper cream is called ‘ouchie balm’ and the packaging is adorable too! thank you nassim!

5. my little sister anisa arrived from australia this morning! it is so great having her here and it actually feels like i’m a little bit closer to my other home. even just listening to her aussie accent is heart warming. we are 15 years apart and i found myself looking at her and remembering so clearly when she was just a little, cherub cheeked baby. and then i flash forward to 15 years when ‘nori’ will be learning how to drive and the very thought of how.fast.it.all.goes makes the sinews of my heart dismantle.

6. the hunt for the perfect bed continues. i must have clambered my round self onto at least 75 beds in the past few weeks. and now they are all starting to feel the same. if any of you have recommendations when it comes to mattress brands please let me know. in fact, do me a favor and take my husband by the hand, march him to the nearest mattress store and make the purchase happen. please.

7. we’re excited about our upcoming baby shower(s) and the fact that some of our dearest out-of-towner friends & family will be here to share them with us. i’m also happy that i don’t have to plan one thing for either event as all the details are being taken care of by people we love. here’s the cute invite dev whipped together:

8. is it nap time yet?

05
Jan 12
6 comments

oh so stickered.

you know that i’m a sucker for creative & interactive art installations, so it will come as no surprise that i love this. the artist, Yayoi Kusama, calls his installation ‘the obliteration room’ – a home-like setting where everything begins stark white. for two weeks, kids visiting the museum in queensland, australia, were given thousands of colored dot stickers and encouraged to transform the space.

p.s. thank you to bahieh for sending me this link!

04
Jan 12
13 comments

letter to our little one // part 7.

dear ‘nori’,

let’s start with the process of naming you. first of all, far too many people keep insisting that we just name you nori. yep, your womb-name (thanks to your papa) has grown on everyone – including our close friends, strangers, and even my mother. just so you know, i am taking this whole naming thing very seriously (unlike your papa who once suggested ‘goji berry gundry’ and ‘roast beef gundry’). i’ve scoured the internet and even explored names in languages such as aboriginal and arabic. i have done so much research that regrettably a portion of my brain is now filled with celebrity’s kid’s names. knowledge that will probably never be useful unless i’m on a game show or need to drum up parenting small talk with angelina jolie. i didn’t have a lot of prerequisites when it came to choosing your name – but after a lifetime of hearing my name pronounced very… ‘creatively’ (goldritz, gloris, growls, gorlis, gold-reeves, etc.) i was determined that your name would be easy to pronounce, you know, as opposed to a name that people felt the need to dislocate their jaw in order to say out loud. unbeknownst to the masses, your father and i *think* we have found the perfect name for you. it was the first name that both of us heard and fell in love with instantly. for now, we are keeping it a secret as we want to meet you first and make sure it fits, before we announce it to the world.

i think you might be getting a little cramped in your womb room these days as you are now about 19 inches long and approximately 3.5 pounds. i can’t seem to buy produce these days without comparing it to your weight and size. melons, grapefruit, bunches of bananas – they all get comparatively measured to you. and the next thing you know i’m walking around the store rocking a pineapple in my arms.

your movements have changed from little kicks and fluttering waving hands to more forceful pushing and stretching. sometimes i wonder if you are trying to find an escape route and you think that if you push your back against my bellybutton hard enough, some secret passageway will open up and you’ll be released from your cramped quarters. actually, this exit strategy doesn’t sound so bad now that i’ve watched far too many live births on YouTube. #sorrybutmamaisstilltraumatized.

you may have noticed your parent’s sleep schedule has changed a bit the past few weeks. late nights and early morning starts mean we are about to start shooting the next round of soulpancake episodes. this also means you’ll be on tv again. although this time around there’s no hiding you under layers or with clever camera angles. i’m not really sure how i’m going to manage producing, art directing and being on-camera in my current situation, but i’ll figure it out, and even if i don’t the world will keep spinning on its axis and it will all.be.fine.

i think that’s one of the biggest lessons i’m learning with regards to this new journey with you. i am trying to let go of rigid expectations and pay less attention to that insistent voice that demands nothing but absolute perfectionism. i’m being kinder with myself and more understanding of my frailties. i’m learning to ask for help and to take care of my needs. i’m carving out time to go to my yoga classes, and to walk around our neighborhood hand-in-hand with your papa as we end our long days together. and i’m doing all this because of a deep desire to protect and shield you from anything heavy and harmful. i know that you are intimately connected to my feelings and during this final stretch in your womb room, i want you only to bask in the love and joy and wonder that i feel when i think about you.

mornings have fast become one of my favorite parts of the day. in those brief moments before the whirlwind of our day begins, it feels like our bed is an island where nothing can touch the three of us. i snuggle down into the blankets and hold you, waiting to feel you wake up and stretch. and you respond in turn, pushing your little body into my hands as i rub your back tenderly. and just when my heart feels like it’s at bursting point, your papa will wake with you as his very first thought. with bleary eyes he will press his lips against your little round form and sing songs to you. and in those fleeting minutes, the whole world seems absolutely perfect. i have everything i have ever wanted and i’m so grateful.

love,
mama

30
Dec 11
2 comments

lately.

one of my dearest friends, ladan, came to visit for the week. although we did get to show her around our neighborhood, try out some of our favorite eateries, and go on a pseudo hike at griffith park, we spent most of our time together mattress shopping. you think i’m joking, but alas, i’m not. but you see, this is the difference between friends that just merge seamlessly into your life, and those that you have to entertain with an entire agenda of activities. ladan is definitely one of the former types of friends. she had no expectations of the trip besides hanging out with me and dev, which made her visit seem all too short. and now there is a lonely hole on our shower shelf where her shampoo used to be.

#comebackladan.

in other news, we are about to embark on the third batch of SoulPancake episodes for the Oprah Winfrey Network. pre-production has been particularly tricky this time around as many of our crew and contacts are traveling for the holidays/new year, and lots of businesses we work with have wonky holiday hours. but as always, we’ll figure out a way to pull it off, because we always do. and in the meantime, i’ve been building cardboard models of our set designs while i eat my weight’s worth in kumquats. (one thing california does really well is its citrus trees and i’m not ashamed to ask the locals if i can pillage their trees.)

i’m a bit sore today and i blame my pre-natal yoga class. even though it’s just an hour of really gentle stretching my poor little expanding body got a work out. it’s strange not to have the get-up-and-go that i used to have…and honestly, more than this giant orb-protrusion at my belly, it’s the fact that i can’t do anything speedily that is taking the most getting used to. gone are the days where i would spring out of bed, and scamper around. getting out of bed now comprises of a 4 step process. and step 4 is usually me giving up and collapsing on my side, and dev having to help me out.

i’m also trying to go for a walk once a day. luckily, our neighborhood is perfect for this. dev and i usually head to proof bakery where i’ll get a decaf and pretend it’s a real coffee and then we explore our neighborhood. and i’ll take photos of bits of nothing that are bits of everything to me:

 

 

28
Dec 11
add comment

while researching for SoulPancake props I found this gem

this creative idea takes a mere robot head to the next NEXT level:

this article explains what’s going on. except i read it and now i’m confused. here, you try:

Dan Rosenfeld’s “Big Head” costume consists of a front-mounted 24” LCD panel that displays the wearer’s face in real time. Inside the large headpiece [Dan] installed a microphone, another LCD screen, a half silvered mirror, and a video camera – not to mention all of the power-related goodies required to keep it running. While the main LCD displays his face, the internal monitor is fed by an externally mounted camera that shows him everything going on outside the box. This image is reflected off the half silvered mirror, allowing him to gaze directly at the camera, while also seeing what’s going on in front of him.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »
Copyright © 2018 THE COZYHUNTER