THE COZYHUNTER
// she's only happy in the sun.
27
Jan 08

list of things i want to say to the inanimate objects in my world

1. dear bright grass green hoodie from h&m, i adore you. you are never put away for long because you are indispensible. when i am wearing you i feel safer somehow. and definitely closer to spring and sunshine and lying on grassy hills staring up at clouds moving across blue skies.

2. trusty mac ibook, i know you are now practically ‘retro’ at four years old…and i’m sorry i keep eyeing up the pretty mac air. we both know that eventually i’ll have to upgrade to a fierce mac powerbook but this past year you have really been a life saver. silent, dependable and practical you are an essential part of my day.

3. fan in my bathroom, please don’t take it personally…it’s not just you – i don’t like the sound of any fans. and if it makes you feel better i don’t like overhead fluorescent lighting either. that is why i neither turn you or the light on when i shower in the morning. all that unnecessary noise just grates on my nerves. i know you perform an important function and in summer months i would succumb to your annoying sound because i didn’t want to invite mould to come in, take a seat and completely take over the bathroom. but now, in these winter months, i refuse and we are doing fine without you.

4. ipod ear buds that came with my ipod, i need you to provide more bass. now two sets i have purchased have ‘broken’ and there is a minor (yet majorly annoying) buzzing sound when the volume is up too high. i’m sure i could go and get other earphones with the capacity for more bass but i wanted to stick with the theme.

5. grey zip up hoodie with silver detailing from french connection, WHERE did you go? you were my favorite and for the last six months you have disappeared. i have searched everywhere to no avail. did someone borrow you? did i leave you in london? are you mixed up in m2′s clothes? it is such a mystery to me. and i’m trying to be detached – afterall you are just an item of clothing but the problem is i really liked you. it was one of those love at first sight things. i couldn’t not have you – even though you were ridiculously overpriced. i wore you practically every other day in melbourne. and now i miss you. come back please.

6. fridge magnets, i’ve never been a big fan of you and it is probably just a phase (because i’m generally anti clutter) but this year i’ve developed quite a collection of you. i love the square inspirational quote magnets from wholefoods that prop up polaroids of dear friends, a shot of me at 3 years old cutting into my birthday cake and another of me looking out of a cafe window in perth. both pictures show me smiling and happy. a reminder that joy is always a decision. there is a new zealand magnet that makes me smile and together these all collaborate to give our kitchen a point of interest. a collage of things and people important to me.

7. speaking of new zealand, yesterday i received a beautiful mirror in the shape of new zealand COMPLETE with stewart island!) it is so very cool. i am completely smitten by it. as i opened the gift i nearly cried and it’s not hard to understand why when you read an extract from the note that accompanied it – ‘hopefully you’ll look at this and have good memories, and see the New Zealand in you staring back at you, you’re always close to home and those who love you’. *sigh*. exhibit seven hundred and eighty six that i have the most amazing friends in the world.

8. j.a.henkles knife set, i didn’t grow up in a household that had a fancy wood block knife set. the khozouei’s knives didn’t really function, let alone match. they were for the most part dull and difficult. being introduced to you was a little life changing and my care for you is testament to this. i don’t put you in the dishwasher because i want to keep you sharp for as long as possible. when certain posessions were halved and removed you were allowed to stay with me because even F could see the attachment that had formed. two or three of you will always be on the countertop waiting to be handwashed because i use you daily. i have never tried sharpening you, even though you came with a tool that i could use to do that. but i’m not going to mess with that. the best reason is that as marabeth has experienced i’m not the most careful with knives and sharp objects, so the chances are i’d lose a digit. and having a nub is no fun.

9. lip glosses, this is an open letter to you all. i keep purchasing you in all your different varieties and now i feel like i might have more lipgloss than one pair of lips could ever need in a lifetime. you are in my car, pockets of my jackets, and all over my room. some tinted, mostly plain. i think i need to stop but then i see you and now you come in pretty decorative tins or have brands like ‘kiss my lips’ and flavors like ‘mandarin chai’. how can i resist?

10. bright electric blue wallet made of eel skin, you have been a trusty companion. i purchased you in melbourne – decided to not be sensible and buy you in black and i’m so glad i didn’t. you are soft to touch and i think you are getting better with age. you have some water stains from the time i didn’t shield you from the rain but i still think you are beautiful. you are my favorite color. the color of the mediterranean in my head. the color that complements bright orange.

11. pink polaroid cool cam, you rock. i’ve had so much fun with you lately and i am so glad you entered my world in all your cool cam glory. i love that it is always a surprise with you. i can’t just hit delete and try again. but somehow every photograph you take is perfect. i wish your film was less expensive and i wish that you were more convenient to carry around. but you will be a life long friend and always treasured.

12. funky white teapot, for a person who is as tea-loving as i am it is odd that i waited all this time to buy the perfect teapot. but perhaps it was because i felt like teapots were only necessary when you needed to serve many when in fact they are perfectly useful for just one. your handle is a work of art, you have clean lines and a beautiful shape. i place tea leaves inside – mixing and experimenting and that way i don’t have to worry about a teabag messing up my tea drinking experience – having to monitor it and watch that the paper end doesn’t fall into my cup. i hate when that happens.

13. harmonica in the key of G, okay i know that i had great hopes for the two of us. i was very excited when i first purchased you. but you ended up being a lot harder to play than i anticipated. i can make noise. that’s not the problem. it just doesn’t sound like the blues or jazz or anything remotely related (read: cool). the sounds that come out are more akin to irish jig music. think riverdance. yeah…not exactly what i was going for. so you sit in my drawer and i still believe one day i’ll take lessons and be a blues harp savant…but not today.

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2 comments on “list of things i want to say to the inanimate objects in my world”

  1. Ghetto Blaster Says:

    i LOVE this blog!

    i have a comment for each entry, such a laughable thought & agreeance (is that even a word?) that i don’t know where to begin. therefore ill just repeat myself:
    i LOVE this blog!

  2. a penny for the old guy Says:

    ok… um… that was the highlight of my… my what? week?, no longer than week. Actually, I think this post was the highlight of my last… about 5 months. The last thing that I read that was as cool as this were short stories by Hari Kazruo- so you’re definately kicking it with the kool kids my freckly friend.

    Ok. I needed a smile and that was totally it. So, big up ya self, i haven’t had more fun reading something for a.g.e.s.

    much love
    q

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