today i had my first (and let’s hope only) MRI. it was not a good experience. i am not claustrophic. or at least i wasn’t before i had the MRI, but perhaps now i am a little. i had to stay very still. i tried to block out the loud noises and the cold steel. i don’t understand why the process involves the soundtrack to ‘construction work on a busy street’ but that is how it sounded. a cacaphony of clanging and jarring drill sounds. i closed my eyes and tried not to focus on the fact that i needed to sneeze. you can’t ‘out think’ a sneeze i guess. so i did sneeze and in doing so slammed my forehead against the cage that surrounded my head. unpleasant.
today i did not know who to write as my ‘emergency contact’. that moment was probably the one of the most lonely moments i’ve ever felt.
today i read your short story and it made my heart heavy because i received a glimpse of what you are feeling. the weight of it all. the chance for error. the desire to do this right. the hoping and praying that it will all be resolved. that hearts can be mended and hurt healed. i thought it was a beautiful piece of writing. thank you for sharing it with me.
today i decided not to eat any more sugar.
tonight i shared a slice of triple berry almond crust cheesecake. it was delicious.
so much for that decision.
today she asked me if australia has beaches.
i tried not to be annoyed by the question.
but i was.
today i realized how much i miss healthy touch.
the spa treatments that mm organized for me were exactly what i needed.
i felt loved and incredibly grateful.
it was the perfect gift.
today i was deeply touched that you asked me to call you next week to let you know the results.
i would happily adopt your family as my own.
today i saw your bright blue eyes and was reminded of how much fun we have together. and how easily we make sense to each other.