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// she's only happy in the sun.
Jun 07

standing still

i have found that in recent days, weeks, months i never seem to be standing still. i am always going somewhere, coming back from some place…moving, driving, flying, running. there is a constant sense of motion. physically, mentally, emotionally – i’m caught up in momentum.

i think it’s been somewhat hard to just sit still and ‘be’. and so the distraction of always having something to do, someone to see, somewhere else to go has been something i’ve relied on. but it may be time to sit still for a bit. observe. and untangle from this race i’m caught up in.

after work today marabeth and i had a lovely dinner at amerigos (delicious arugula salad with flame grilled apples and salmon) and went to mercy lounge to see an afro cuban drum/dance ensemble and a 14 piece salsa orchestra. color, amazing beats, dance…it was all there but i felt disconnected from it all and just stood to the side and observed while bodies around me pulsed with movement and tore up the dance floor with flair.

each day i’m understanding more. learning more. overall i feel good. content. sitting on the deck at work today with M2, eating leftovers from the work BBQ and surrounded by a warm breeze. I love those moments when you realize that there is no where else you would really want to be.

someone told me i was a gypsy the other day and I really think that they are right.

i am making a big effort to act authentically. to speak with honesty. i think i am too good at only delivering half the truth, and so it is important that i learn how to be true to myself, and with others. it takes vulnerability which is something i fight feeling. but i do think it makes for healthier relationships. stripping away the games that we play, looking each other in the eyes and being real about what we are thinking.

do we do this enough? i don’t know. i’m working on it.


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